today at jen's house

An Outside Perspective

2012-01-11T08:38:00.000-08:00

From Matthew 8 -- I love this story:

^5-6As Jesus entered the village of Capernaum, a Roman captain came up in a panic and said, "Master, my servant is sick. He can't walk. He's in terrible pain."
⁷Jesus said, "I'll come and heal him."
^8-9"Oh, no," said the captain. "I don't want to put you to all that trouble. Just give the order and my servant will be fine. I'm a man who takes orders and gives orders. I tell one soldier, 'Go,' and he goes; to another, 'Come,' and he comes; to my slave, 'Do this,' and he does it."
^10-12Taken aback, Jesus said, "I've yet to come across this kind of simple trust in Israel, the very people who are supposed to know all about God and how he works. This man is the vanguard of many outsiders who will soon be coming from all directions—streaming in from the east, pouring in from the west, sitting down at God's kingdom banquet alongside Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Then those who grew up 'in the faith' but had no faith will find themselves out in the cold, outsiders to grace and wondering what happened."
¹³Then Jesus turned to the captain and said, "Go. What you believed could happen has happened." At that moment his servant became well.

The application for this story in my life has changed, which is common in our spiritual walks. It used to reassure me that I was one of the many who (from I Peter 1:8-9) "never saw him, yet you love him. You still don't see him, yet you trust him—with laughter and singing. Because you kept on believing, you'll get what you're looking forward to: total salvation."

Now, I look to that passage in Matthew and think about my own children. They're all "PK's," preacher's kids who have grown up in the church. I'd love to say that they each have a strong faith and are walking daily with God. But I'm not sure this is the case. They know the truth, and I am confident that they'll return it. Some of them are walking daily with Him. But for those of my kids who are not, this scripture in Matthew struck me. I don't want any of my girls to be on the outside thinking all along that they were on the inside.

So having the inside scoop doesn't automatically put you in the in-crowd.

I don't want to be there either! We all need to make sure daily that we are one of those streaming in, hungry for the Word, desperate for the companionship and lordship of the One who knows us best -- and loves us the most. Here's to that pursuit this day, and every day --

Ouch.

2012-01-11T08:25:00.000-08:00

If there was ever an argument for going beyond just being a good person, here it is, from Matthew 7:

^24-25"These words I speak to you are not incidental additions to your life, homeowner improvements to your standard of living. They are foundational words, words to build a life on. If you work these words into your life, you are like a smart carpenter who built his house on solid rock. Rain poured down, the river flooded, a tornado hit—but nothing moved that house. It was fixed to the rock.
^26-27"But if you just use my words in Bible studies and don't work them into your life, you are like a stupid carpenter who built his house on the sandy beach. When a storm rolled in and the waves came up, it collapsed like a house of cards."

There is just no substitution for building on something, rather than changing something that's already built. Good words for me today -- I hope they're good for you too.

Apparently God has a Smart Phone.

2012-01-05T07:09:00.000-08:00

Ah, back to writing again. I've spent the last several months building things, projects for a design degree I'm pursuing. But it's just a stop along the way to a bachelor's degree in creative writing. It's good to have the time -- taking the time -- to do the thing I do best.

It never ceases to amaze me that I can read the same scriptures over and over and yet glean something new each time. I was reading in Matthew 4 this morning, and a couple of things struck me. The chapter is about the beginnings of Jesus' ministry, starting with his temptation in the wilderness and then continuing on to his teaching in Galilee and the calling of Peter and John.

The first thing I noticed was from this verse:

^8-9For the third test, the Devil took him to the peak of a huge mountain. He gestured expansively, pointing out all the earth's kingdoms, how glorious they all were. Then he said, "They're yours—lock, stock, and barrel. Just go down on your knees and worship me, and they're yours."

Correct me if I'm wrong here, but didn't Jesus in fact create all the earth's kingdoms? And actually, make Satan himself? Interesting that Satan -- a created being -- apparently didn't realise who Jesus was. Or if he did, he certainly had a lot of nerve.

It occurs to me that I also have a lot of nerve. I challenge Jesus' control over my life all the time -- it's just that I don't usually come right out and say it to His face. Operative word in that sentence? Usually. I have been known to shake my fist at heaven a time or two -- "what is going on here, God?" "Are you sure you know what You're doing?"

I do hate admitting that. But it is true nonetheless. A good reminder to stop doing it, don't you think? The economy of God at work once again in my life, accomplishing two things at once, both showing me something new and then reminding me to straighten up and fly right.

The second thing was from this verse:

^23-25From there he went all over Galilee. He used synagogues for meeting places and taught people the truth of God. God's kingdom was his theme—that beginning right now they were under God's government, a good government!

It is no wonder that the Pharisees were upset with him. Anyone challenging Rome's government, and the Jewish religious government, would have been in deep trouble with them. I knew this, but reading it again kind of refreshed that for me. From the outset Jesus was turning things upside-down.

I know I'm no religious scholar. But it's nice to know that God continues to reveal Himself to each of us daily. Oh, that faithfulness! I depend on it.

And that's it for today. Feel free to throw that right in to what He's revealing to you. Maybe we'll both get a little smarter, a bit more like Him. . . that whole economy thing going on again. Who knew the Bible was actually a time management tool?

xoxoxox

Tips for New Moms

2011-09-07T10:58:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to expand my YouTube channel beyond just sewing videos. I originally wanted to do tutorials because I've been a sewer for so long. But I also have a heart for young wives and moms, and I love to share my experiences.

(just don't ask about my kids unless you want to sit and listen for several years).

So here's a video I did, speaking to new moms, about some things I wish I'd known when I was a new mom. I hope it encourages you.

Let Me Just Check My List.

2011-08-23T08:22:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed how we as humans measure, quite literally -- everything?

I suppose it is because we are contained within time, and time becomes our point of reference. What we know, we know in terms of what is now, what has been, and what may be. It is how we gain some sense of control over our lives. We age, measuring from one year to the next. We grow, measuring one "state" to the next. We change, and we know this because we measure where we were to where we are now.

We are constantly walking around with rulers and tapes and cups and calendars and scales and clocks and thermometers and money. Look around and you'll be amazed at just how many devices you see, all whose express purpose is to measure In fact, science is itself the act and study of measuring.

This is notable because as most things within the human condition, it is both a good thing and a bad thing. We love to be encouraged by our progress from where we were to where we are now. On the other hand, I hate it when I step on the scale and the measure is considerably higher than it used to be. I love to be smarter than I was when I was 20. But I hate that I'm more wrinkled and move more slowly.

Competition - it rises up out of a desire to be closer to God. We Christians measure constantly because we, like everyone, want to win. Sometimes we point to the Bible and then look at our lives, and measure the difference. Sometimes we look at Jesus Himself, and do the same. These are the good ways we measure.

But more often than not, we look at each other. We like to win, so we measure just how far we are from heaven as compared to our neighbors. We take great pride in being further up the ladder, down the road, into the journey, older in the faith. We reduce God to being a judge rather than a father.

Beyond that, we reduce our freedom in Christ to a set of rules. Rules are far easier to measure than freedom. Freedom is a release from measurement. It's like floating in space, or in water. It has no boundaries; it is immeasurable. It is like God. When we reduce our freedom in Christ to a long list of rules, we immediately set limits to our freedom. We cage it in and make it what it cannot be. We try and measure what cannot be measured.

Now while this is all very cerebral, it has its applications in everyday life. Paul talks about it when he speaks to the Galatians, who had taken up their measuring devices with a vengeance:

Galatians 3 --
^5-6Answer this question: Does the God who lavishly provides you with his own presence, his Holy Spirit, working things in your lives you could never do for yourselves, does he do these things because of your strenuous moral striving or because you trust him to do them in you?

In other words, why do you think God loves you? Because you can measure everything you do, and you think it meets His expectation?

Talk about ridiculous. Paul goes on to emphasize to these people that it doesn't matter what they do - God loves without abandon and calls us to a freedom through Christ. Death, by definition, is a measurement: it is the end of something. Sinning is being outside the presence and grace of God. So sinning is actually slavery, because it is bound within the limits of what can be measured. When you choose sin, you choose measurement. You choose being within the confines of something. Freedom is just that - freedom in Christ - and has no boundaries. It cannot be measured. Basically, it's kind of silly for me to say that I'm more free in Christ than you are. It's like saying I can float more than you can. If you're "more free" than I am, it's got to be because I'm not free in the first place.

Paul sums it up this way in Galatians 3:

^11-12The obvious impossibility of carrying out such a moral program should make it plain that no one can sustain a relationship with God that way. The person who lives in right relationship with God does it by embracing what God arranges for him. Doing things for God is the opposite of entering into what God does for you. Habakkuk had it right: "The person who believes God, is set right by God—and that's the real life." Rule-keeping does not naturally evolve into living by faith, but only perpetuates itself in more and more rule-keeping, a fact observed in Scripture: "The one who does these things [rule-keeping] continues to live by them."
^13-14Christ redeemed us from that self-defeating, cursed life by absorbing it completely into himself.

He continues on with this idea in Galatians 5:

^23-24Legalism is helpless in bringing this about; it only gets in the way. Among those who belong to Christ, everything connected with getting our own way and mindlessly responding to what everyone else calls necessities is killed off for good—crucified.
^25-26Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original.

Legalism amounts to measurement. And a life in Christ is free, absent of measurement. We step out of that freedom every time we step into a life that is measured -- whether by obeying rules (and confusing that with freedom) or by stepping away from the presence of God into sin. My husband Mark has always described it as being under an umbrella, and God is the umbrella. When we decide to run out from under that, we get wet or sunburned or hurt in some way. And then of course we have to measure just how sunburned or wet or hurt . . . you get the idea.

So I don't know about you, but I'm throwing myself off into the deep ocean of freedom. It's pretty scary to leave the safe boundaries of measurement. I know full well I'll be jumping back into the boat, into the small confines of my selfishness and limited view of life. But I also know I'll have a look at that vast openness and jump right back in again. And someday, I'll jump in for good.

Wanna go swimming?

Proverbs 31 for 2011

2011-08-21T20:30:00.000-07:00

I mentioned to Mark today that in going through old photos, I found it hard to believe that I'd made most of the clothing I wore. I know I love to sew, but I didn't realise I actually did that much of it! I also had to laugh at the fact that the kids (at least when they were young) were often wearing things I'd made for them.

So Mark answered that I was quite the Proverbs 31 woman.

I told him "Thanks for the compliment, Babe, but that particular woman wasn't fabulous because she sewed. In fact, few women sew today." He replied that it would be interesting to interpret the Proverbs 31 woman for 2011. I agreed -- so I did.

Proverbs 31

Hymn to a Good Wife

(from The Message)

^10-31 A good woman is hard to find,
and worth far more than diamonds.

A woman who is truly a lady is rare, and finding one is like winning the lottery.

Her husband trusts her without reserve,
and never has reason to regret it.

Her husband never has to worry that she’ll wreck the car, run up the credit cards, or run off with some guy.

Never spiteful, she treats him generously
all her life long.

She doesn’t withhold anything when she’s angry with her husband – not attention or affection or kindness.

She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
and enjoys knitting and sewing.

She’s a bargain hunter, and she won’t settle for cheap quality just because it’s inexpensive. She loves to scrapbook.

She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
and brings back exotic surprises.

She amazes everyone when they find that she got that gorgeous dress for a steal. And she’s an expert Ebay-er. Her kids are always delighted when she brings home some cool variation of the latest thing.

She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast
for her family and organizing her day.

She’s always the first one up, pouring cereal and making coffee and lists and checking her Blackberry.

She looks over a field and buys it,
then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.

She’s very shrewd about her investments. She buys things that will profit her family. And she’s good at landscaping and possibly flips houses.

First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.

She’s always ready to dive in and tackle the day.

She senses the worth of her work,
is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.

She doesn’t just work until 5:00, she works until the task is accomplished. Her boss knows this and that’s why she’s irreplaceable.

She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
diligent in homemaking.

She’s got dinner on the table at night, and it’s not Hamburger Helper. She also makes sure the vacuum is run and the bathrooms are clean. Her coupon binder is always organized and up to date.

She's quick to assist anyone in need,
reaches out to help the poor.

She’s a good neighbor, a good listener, and a regular contributor to the mission’s thrift shop. She is always giving to the food bank and taking meals to elderly folks.

She doesn't worry about her family when it snows;
their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.

Everybody has a coat, hat, mittens, boots, sweaters, and warm socks when winter comes. And she’s right out there making snowmen and sledding with them.

She makes her own clothing,
and dresses in colorful linens and silks.

She can put together a nice outfit and always looks great. She keeps up with fashion, but isn’t ruled by it.

Her husband is greatly respected
when he deliberates with the city fathers.

Everyone knows that behind every great man is an amazing woman -- she makes her husband look great, and backs him up when important people consult with him.

She designs gowns and sells them,
brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.

She has a good eye for great design. She also keeps the consignment shops well supplied.

Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.

She cares about quality, and she’s predictably happy.

When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
and she always says it kindly.

She speaks the truth in love, and her timing is impeccable. She doesn’t gossip or spread rumors. And when she says “bless her heart” she really means it. People love reading her Facebook statuses.

She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
and keeps them all busy and productive.

She’s the boss at home, and she has eyes in the back of her head. When her children complain that they’re bored, she soon has them cleaning their rooms. She keeps a chore chart up on the fridge.

Her children respect and bless her;
her husband joins in with words of praise:

Her kids love her, and her husband only has eyes for her.

"Many women have done wonderful things,
but you've outclassed them all!"

When you ask them about her, they’ll tell you that she’s an amazing mom and wife.

Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.

She’s not spending money on eye creams and cosmetic surgery. She also isn't nice to your face and talking about you behind your back. She knows better than that, because she knows that beauty isn't skin deep. She's involved at church, and she doesn't just talk the talk - she walks the walk.

Give her everything she deserves!
Festoon her life with praises!

Remember her birthday and Mother’s Day, always give her flowers and chocolate, and be someone she can be proud of. Jewelry is nice too. And tell her you love her all the time. Tell everyone else how much you love her too.

House Arrest

2011-08-13T21:19:00.000-07:00

The Cheating Police pulled us over tonight. I got a ticket and Makaela got a warning. Makaela's taking hers to court and fighting it.

Here's how the whole thing went down.

Mia: Mom, did you not make this lasagna?
Me: Honey, I never make lasagna. I always buy it. I haven't made real lasagna since the days when your Grandma would come over and we'd cook and freeze everything.
Mia: What! This lasagna is a lie! You cheated!

Later . . .

Me: I made Italian for dinner, and it was good!
Mia: You cheated. Cheater.

Even later. . .
Mia, as she watched Makaela solve her Rubik's cube: What are you doing?
Makaela: I'm solving it.
Mia: You're talking to yourself. You're saying 'up, over, up, over, over, up, over.'
Makaela: I'm using algorithms.
Mia: You're totally cheating.
Makaela: No I'm not.
Mia: Cheat cheat Cheater. You're cheating, you cheating cheeeeaaaterrrr.

Later --

Makaela: I am not a cheater. Get your plague-ey finger away from me.
(Mia has a terrible cold)
Mia: Cheating cheater! Go do your Cheater's Cube! This is a house of lies. I'm going to bed.

xoxoxox

Indy and the Walk of Faith

2011-08-03T07:50:00.000-07:00

What are you afraid of?

I don't mean things like the dark or heights, or scary movies. I mean really, really afraid. What is that thing in your life that scares the absolute wits out of you?

For some people it's death. For others, it's loneliness. But for pretty much everyone, when we really sit and consider this, it's one thing - the unknown. I'm not sure if it's because we're Americans or because we're humans, but when it comes right down to it, we're all afraid of being completely out of control.

Being out of control, when followed to its logical end, means that someone or something else is in control. Maybe this makes us afraid because when we were small and someone else was in control, we got hurt. Or we were lonely, or our needs weren't met. Maybe we got used to things being a certain way - things as simple as seeing the same faces every day, smelling the same smells, hearing the same noises. When the same thing is continuous, it becomes reassuring. It becomes something we can depend on, something we can expect to stay the same. It becomes the known.

Right now I'm afraid for my dog. Indy is 11 years old, and is blind in one eye. He is aging, just like me -- his hearing is going, and he's having trouble getting up and down steps. He still is the cute little Lhasa Apso that was so adorable as a puppy. His care inevitably falls to me, so I make sure hes fed, and I wipe the mucous out of his morning eyes, and I clean his ears and remember his flea/tick/heartworm stuff and take him to the groomer and the vet. We are all he has known since he left his mother at 8 weeks old.

Now don't get me wrong here -- I sound like a dog lover, don't I? He's a dog, not a person, and not my child. This dog annoys me as much as he comforts me. I bristle under the way he stalks me when he's hungry. I think, why can't someone else feed him? Why does he always follow me around?

It's because I am the one constant in his life. I am always there. In the basic patterns of his life, I am the thing that doesn't change for him. He knows my voice, the feel and sound of my steps, my smell. I am his "known."

But right now my life is in freefall. Mark had to leave his ministry here, and we haven't been called yet to a new one. We have a temporary plan that involves me and Makaela staying here in the town where we've been for the past 5 years, and Mark going 12 hours north to take care of his aging mom. The twins will live about 3 hours from him, also 12 hours north of me. Two more girls will be heading south of me here to college, one about an hour and a half south, and the other three hours south. There is not a place for a dog in our lives anymore, and we must find a new home for Indy.

It feels like my family is a beautiful stained glass window, and someone has thrown a baseball into it at high speed. It is fracturing and scattering into pieces.. I don't even have a new home in sight yet, just a place to stay. I am scared to death.

So I find myself with all this worry about the dog. For some reason, it just feels a lot more mature and adult to be worried about where the dog goes rather than to accept that my kids are growing up and moving on, and that God has us in His waiting room yet again. I've been in this place before, and God has always ended the waiting with a magnificent provision that went beyond my imaginings. I know better than to be afraid. I know God is faithful.

I cope with this uncertainty in a way that fools everyone into thinking that I am confident. I worry about the dog.

So today I am going to feed him, pet his head, let him follow me to the basement where it's cool and he can sleep comfortably out of the summer heat. I will tell him to stop licking his paws and ask him if he needs to go outside. I will be the constant in his life just like Jesus is in mine. And I will be reminded that there is a safe, secure place -- a good home for Indy. It will be all right. The One who made the universe, dogs included, is in control. There will be a place for him, like there will be a place for me.

That is how I face this vast unknown. This is the walk of faith, and it is scary. It requires depending on what I know, and I know this:

Lamentations 3:22-23 (The Message)

^22-24God's loyal love couldn't have run out,
   his merciful love couldn't have dried up.
They're created new every morning.
   How great your faithfulness!
I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).
   He's all I've got left.

And if you know of anyone who needs a faithful companion to love and be loved by, I have just the little fuzzy guy. . .

Roll Call

2011-07-16T11:52:00.000-07:00

Remember when you were in elementary school, and your teacher would call the roll? In those days, I was taught to say “present” when my name was called. This was in the age of dinosaurs, when cave men walked the earth and we were taught to spell correctly and write in cursive. Ah, but I digress.

These days, it’s not my first or second grade teacher calling the roll. It’s God. And I find myself consistently being caught daydreaming when He speaks.

I’m talking here about more than just paying attention. I’m talking about being present in the moment. So often I find myself just -- well, to be honest --elsewhere. I’m thinking about my favourite movie, or I’m caught up in a computer game, or I’m watching a television show I like. Whatever the work of fiction, it removes me from the reality of my life. Subsequently, I am absent when my name is called.

This is a difficult problem for me to fight on two fronts. First off, I’m an introvert. The emotional energy that I gladly spend on interacting with people is always in short supply and leaves me exhausted. And secondly, I remedy this mental and emotional exhaustion by letting my brain rest in whatever work of fiction that it chooses. We all know what happens when we escape: we lose track of time. And this adds up as our lives go by. It’s like sleep – we have to do it, but we’re always amazed at just how much actual time we spend doing it.

I’ve been reading in Romans and Corinthians and Acts lately. These are all writings that involve Paul to a large extent. And Paul was amazing. He was always present in not just his life, but in the moment. He traveled, he taught, he exampled, he loved. He had one purpose and he kept it always in his line of sight. He never seems to have lost that perspective, even when he took a break.

I want that. I want that single-minded focus on my purpose. I want to ignore that high-maintenance gray matter in my head and just keep going when that emotional energy is gone. I want to both not care if I’m running on empty and not run on empty at all! I would love to be energized by people.

I want to be someone else.

But I am just me, and I am limited by the confines of the person that God has made me to be. I catch the moments when I can. I try and look up at God whenever I think of it, and I pray constantly that He will remind me and enable me to do it. I often will repeat to myself “this is happening right now.” I also look up from my computer, my book, my sewing, my television show, my pillow. The moments are ticking by so fast, and I don’t want to lose any more. Most of all, I don't want to lose opportunities to be Jesus to the people around me, in love and in service.

“Jenny W.?”

“Present.”

Barbie Continues the Geniusness.

2011-06-28T17:23:00.000-07:00

Well, that Barbie did it again. She is my best source for blog fodder.

Me: "I'm feeling kind of out of it."

Barbie: "Did you take your drugs?"

Me: "No. This headache should get better. I just feel kind of out of it -- you know, like when people are on drugs?"

Barbie: "Yeah, well Mom, most people are out of it when they're on drugs. You're out of it when you're NOT on drugs."

Never let it be said that your kids don't know you better than anyone.

xoxoxox

Ollie Ollie In Come Free

2011-06-27T08:33:00.000-07:00

I never liked the game of hide and seek. It just got boring after awhile, when some of the players found really good spots and the fun of finding them was replaced with the boring and tedious task of never figuring out where they'd gone. My attention span was never that long.

So while I never much cared for the game, I do like to hide. I do it all the time. It has become my coping method of choice and habit. I'm not sure it's really a good thing, either.

I don't hide, as some people do, behind an emotional or facial mask of content and happiness. I actually hide -- I immerse myself in computer games, I go to my sewing room and work, or I just get away from the house, alone, and am by myself. I don't answer my cell phone, and I don't tell people where I'm going. Sometimes I just go to sleep. I don't generally call my friends (although I am always happy to see them), I don't participate in group functions much. I don't like retreats and conferences because of all the people and the schedule and feeling herded.

I quite literally hide, and I do not want to be found.

This frustrates my family on a regular basis. They need me to be available to them. But when I can't, when the stress level is just too high or I'm just too tired, or I've just had enough -- I have to get away. Because I'm an introvert, this happens on a regular basis. It frustrates my friends, too, who tend to think I don't care about them. It's not that, truly. It's just that being alone is far less work than to cope with everyone's personality.

I'd love to say that I haven't always been this way, but it's not true. I have always been this way. People are hard for me. I want to please them, and I am continually frustrated by the fact that I disappoint them regularly. I try, and then I default to my usual habits. And I hate myself for failing them, so I hide. My husband has always interpreted this as my lack of care about what others think of me. In reality, it is quite the opposite.

Here is what Matthew 5:14-16 has to say about it:

¹⁴ “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. ¹⁵ Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. ¹⁶ In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Probably the most ironic thing about all this hiding I do is that most people around me will insist that I'm not an introvert at all. They would readily say that I'm an extrovert. I find this very funny, because I have effectively fooled them quite expertly.

I fool them by hiding the way most people do - by putting on a face, an attitude, a general aura of happy well-being. The trouble is that I can't keep it up for very long at all. Depending on the day and how physically and emotionally rested I am, I can only keep this up for a few hours, maybe a day. But that's it.

Perhaps I should have been an actor. I could have been rich. Surely I have missed my true calling.

Well, here's the thing of it: (I swear I'm going to have that engraved on my dad's grave; he says it all the time) --

God knows my name, He is infinitely patient, and He calls to me every minute of every day. He says "Come out, Jenny. I know you're in there. You must trust Me."

How can I refuse Him? I always venture out cautiously. And then I wander away, fascinated by some thing or another, and end up in that same vicious cycle of disappointing people or hurting someone or getting hurt myself. Sounds like regular life for most of us, doesn't it?

It is regular life. And that is entirely beside the point. Remember what Beaver said about Aslan?

"Safe?" said Mr. Beaver."Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you."

Following the King isn't always a safe business; the King Himself isn't safe. We get beaten up and hurt along the way. We hurt others. This isn't because we're bad people, or because we can't cope. It's because we're human. It is because we learn from failure as much as success.

And quite honestly, hiding doesn't fix it. It just delays it for a bit.

So I am working on not hiding these days. Being in the company of people who don't hide helps a lot. In order to be with them, I have to come out of hiding. It's ok to take a break every now and then. But if I'm away for too long, my light goes out, and I might just as well have put it under a bowl in the first place. And then there's all the trouble of finding a match or a lighter, and feeding it enough to get it burning brightly again -- with all that hassle, you'd think I wouldn't even have gone into hiding and let it go out in the first place.

So once again, I come out of hiding. It is a tenuous business and I am afraid. But I know He is the one who calls me out, and moreover, it is an amazing thing to be caught up in this thing that my friend Richard called "the reckless raging fury that they call the love of God."

Deep breath. Here goes.

xoxoxox

The Deep and Vast Ponderings of Barbie

2011-06-25T18:29:00.000-07:00

Dad: "Where is that (insert name of object here) thing?"

Mia: "I don't know."

Dad: "Well, it's gotta be somewhere."

Mia: "You're right! It has to be somewhere. It can't just be nowhere, cause then it wouldn't be anywhere."

This poses the question as to where things actually go when they're lost. Thank goodness we have Mia, who apparently has figured this out. My kid is a genius.

Later . . . from Makaela:

"Where are the french fries? I need some more yellow things to eat."

xoxoxox

Today's Gift of Encouragement

2011-06-08T10:29:00.000-07:00

From Acts 20, regarding what Paul said and did:

Traveling through the country, passing from one gathering to another, he gave constant encouragement, lifting their spirits and charging them with fresh hope.

"Now I'm turning you over to God, our marvelous God whose gracious Word can make you into what he wants you to be and give you everything you could possibly need in this community of holy friends.

His encouragement extends through time even to us -- a good thing to take with you today.

xoxox

Heard around the house today . . .

2011-06-07T13:50:00.000-07:00

Makaela, to the dog:

"You are the dumbest dog. If you were a kindergartener, you'd be the one who was licking the windows."

Chatting with Mia, regarding the current contents of our pantry:

Mia: "If you see anything snackish, we need some."
Me: "OK. I'll add snackage to my list."

: )

All Hail the Car God

2011-05-31T12:22:00.000-07:00

I sat today in the presence of the Almighty Car God. It was breathtaking.

Allow me to explain.

In the beginning was the Car God. He looked around and saw that the car was lonely. So he said "Let us fill the car with family members, that we might not be alone. Let us allow them periodically to drive. Let us even teach the young ones how to drive."

And the Car God looked around and said "it is good."

I was a relatively competent driver, having experienced several wrecks and speeding tickets. Yes, I've had my share of fender benders and higher premiums.

Of course, all this was before I became a Car God-ian. Now when I drive, I am in the presence of the Almighty Car God.

(The Car God doesn't appreciate the full benefit of my criticisms of his own driving habits, so I usually get to do the driving.)

There is no list of the Ten Commandments of the Car. Rather, the Car God gently guides me - if only the rest of life were this easy! He softly reminds me that trash must be placed in the proper containers. Various items in the car must be put in their proper places. Drinks go one place, change goes another. The hand sanitizer doesn't just go in the glove compartment, it has to go on the left side of the glove compartment.

The Car God dictates all the directions, whether they comply with Vickie (the GPS) or not. He orders the way change is made at the drive-thru. He controls the direction of the air vents and the angle of a turn. He commands when to go through a yellow light at a left-hand turn and when to wait. I'm not entirely sure; he may even control when the lights actually change. It is a mysterious and wonderful thing. He even groans when I hit a pothole.

He loads and unloads when we go on long trips. He makes sure there are bottles of water. He keeps salt packets under the handle of the emergency brake between the seats and Rice Krispie treats in the compartments of the arm rests in the back seats.

The Car God has wrecked for my sins, in my place. I am thankful for his mercies every time I pull out of the driveway. I confess and repent of my car sins to the Car God on a regular basis. Before I knew the Car God, my driving was aimless and careless. Now, I have been saved from those reckless and speeding ways.

Sometimes I shake my fist at the car and question, "Why, why, why?" But then I realise that the Car God knows best. After all, the Car God bought the car. And the Car God provides oil changes and gas and regular maintenance. And more than anything, the Car God keeps up the full-coverage insurance.

Oh praise the Car God, a benevolent guide who helps me, who takes care of me by unwrapping my food and providing a napkin, adjusting the climate within the car, and getting things from the back seat for me. Even though I bristle at times under his leading, the Car God is gracious to get me where I'm going without incident. Yea though I drive through the valley of the shadow of traffic, the Car God is with me; his seat belt and visor, they comfort me.

Thank you, Car God, for providing me the means and ability to get around. Protect us from State Troopers and Sheriffs and cops this day, and give us shiny wheels and vacuumed carpets. We promise not to lock the keys inside. Amen.

xoxoxox

Intelligent Comedy

2011-05-05T11:40:00.000-07:00

From a recent conversation with Mia:

Me:      "You know, I'm not smart. Jenna says I'm not really smart, I'm apparently just 'Google smart."

Mia:    "Huh? What's the difference?"

Me:       "Apparently I don't know stuff, I just know where to find stuff."

Mia:      "Well, it is Jenna."

(Jenna is very bright -- she just got a full-ride scholarship to a college here. She is 17, and as we all know, 17-year old's --especially the ones who are seniors in high school -- are experts in what is smart).

Later that evening . . .

Me:     "You girls never think I'm funny. I think I'm funny. But not silly funny, like your dad. Smart funny. I think I'm more smart funny."

Mia:     "Well, maybe you're Google smart funny."

: )

xoxoxoxox

There is No Try.

2011-04-23T11:06:00.000-07:00

From John 4:

^23-24"It's who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself—Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration."

-- God

"Do or do not. There is no try."

-- Yoda

Pay Attention.

2011-04-15T07:02:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've lost my interest in God's Word. Reading my Bible every day has become a chore.

Let's face it -- we all go through this from time to time. Some call it a "dry desert" period in their spiritual lives. I liken it to when I get tired of the music on a particular CD, or a style of clothing or decorating. I've seen enough, and I'm just weary of it.

That I could possibly get weary of the very words that God said is mind-boggling to me. It fills me with guilt and shame. I cannot believe that I would avoid the God of the universe, who created me. That I would be so cavalier -- who do I think I am, anyway?

Now this isn't to say that I've stopped praying. But I have to admit -- when my daily input of God speaking stops, my prayer life starts being filled up with nothing but that eternal "Santa list" of wants. I'm asking for good things, like for people to be healed or consoled or for some nice thing to happen. I'm all altruistic and everything -- but I don't look up.

My perspective is horizontal, not vertical.

And what ends up happening then is that I go back to reading, and it's all rote. I read it just to get it read. It becomes a chore. And of course I want to do it even less. It's a vicious cycle.

This is inevitable in all our lives. Maybe it doesn't happen that often to you. But when we're honest, we all have to admit that it happens to us sometimes.

My solution? As the daily emails started to pile up (I read through the bible online), they nagged at me. There they were, waiting to be read. And I am just obsessive-compulsive enough to not delete them, knowing that the guilt would get me. What to do, what to do?

I decided to go a bit deeper into what I was reading. I googled "commentary" and found Coffman. It's all written referencing the scripture in the King James, and I read it in The Message. But the gist of it is still the same. I'm getting the idea behind the words, and that has really helped me get interested again in the Word. I don't read it all, just the interesting parts, or the parts where I'm wondering what Jesus meant or what exactly was happening.

It makes me aware that I need to lift my head, and that I can't even do that on my own. So my prayers change, and become the asking of God to just lift my chin and my eyes and to fill my entire vision with Him.

And the renewing happens, because God is faithful when I am not. God knows that I will lose interest. He knows that life is daily and routine, and that He made it that way. Our companions and spouses sometimes tend to fade into the background of our lives. But they are no less important to us in the long run. Something will always happen to bring them back into focus. Something always happens to bring Him back into my direct line of sight.

So I'm getting over the guilt, plodding ahead, and even getting a bit smarter when it comes to understanding what was going on in the life of Jesus. Honestly, He was probably the most interesting man that ever lived.

Probably because He was God, right?

xoxoxox

A Trip to the Hardware Store

2011-03-13T06:39:00.000-07:00

My Grandma Filson was a study in contrasts over my life. First she was fun in a way that provided the fun; she made the food, she invited people over to play cards, and she laughed a lot. She gave and gave and gave; she volunteered at the hospital and she made clothes for me. She had two sons, my dad and my uncle. My uncle was 13 years younger than my dad. She wanted more children, but my uncle was really a miracle and she was grateful for that. I loved going to their house. It was warm and comfy and somewhere I always felt safe.

But when I was eleven, my dad was killed in a car accident. That changed Grandma forever. She told me once, many years later when I was an adult, "I'll never forgive him for that." She was angry and hurt and felt all the things that a mother feels at the loss of a child. She became bitter. I don't think she ever did forgive my dad for dying.

She was bitter until the very end of her life. She didn't want to be, but she couldn't find a way out of it. From all appearances, she seemed to be a "Christian" woman. But she had no real relationship with Christ. She went for 10 years not speaking to her youngest sister before they resolved their differences. She was critical of others. That wonderful woman who taught my own mother to cook and drew my mother in as a daughter was still there, but buried. I focused my attention on that hidden woman when I saw her -- and that was easy because with me, that loving side came out. But on the outside with the regular world she was filled with sorrow and a hardness that only comes from bitterness.

I am a lot like my Grandmother. I didn't get her green thumb or her ability to cook, but I did get her love for being a wife and mom. My extended family thinks I'm a lot like her, and indeed I am, in both the good ways, and to my own shame, in the bad ways. In the past months I have been deeply, deeply wounded and tried to survive. In that survival, I've inadvertently let the bitterness creep in.

It's easy to do, and here's why: the plain old truth of the situation is a bitter thing, and when looking it right in the face, it becomes a stand-off for awhile. Over time, we tend to just give in, weary of the fight against it. We don't even need to justify our feelings of anger and hurt. We back away and let that bitterness be our shield. We hide. We stay hurt. We nurse our wounds and never get better. We never even peek out behind that protective shield of bitterness, afraid to get hurt again.

Sadly, even tragically, this becomes a wall not just between us and those who've hurt us. It blocks us from God. We say we forgive, but do we really? Luke 6 says this:

^31-34"Here is a simple rule of thumb for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you; then grab the initiative and do it for them! If you only love the lovable, do you expect a pat on the back? Run-of-the-mill sinners do that. If you only help those who help you, do you expect a medal? Garden-variety sinners do that. If you only give for what you hope to get out of it, do you think that's charity? The stingiest of pawnbrokers does that.
^35-36"I tell you, love your enemies. Help and give without expecting a return. You'll never—I promise—regret it. Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we're at our worst. Our Father is kind; you be kind.

I don't expect a medal -- I just want to be able to do it! But it costs me dearly, and sometimes I cannot pay. Fortunately, the amazing grace of Jesus steps in and does it for me. I have been forgiven. God removed the wall between me and Him because that's just who He is. How can I do any less if I expect to be anything like Him?

Deep breaths, smiling face, and willing heart. Put on the clothing of Christ. I have to do it even when I don't feel like doing it, even when I am perfectly justified in not doing it because the wound is so deep.

This isn't about me being right, or justice, or even truth. It's about God reaching me. The Berlin wall has got nothing on me, believe me. God is right there, tearing it down, brick by brick, handing me a hammer with an expectant look on His loving face. I wish Grandma were here so I could hand her a hammer, too. If you need one, I've heard God has a supply that would rival Home Depot.

xoxoxox

Holiness

2011-02-20T21:42:00.000-08:00

Lord God, please make me holy today. Like you.

Amen.

Proverbs 19

2010-12-19T08:53:00.000-08:00

Four out of five girls are home from college for Christmas. While it feels as if the balance in our house is somewhat restored, we all seem to be interrupting each other endlessly. Each of us has an opinion, something to say, and we all want to say it at once.

I, for one, need to stop and listen. Here's what Proverbs 19 has to say about that:

Proverbs 19

If You Quit Listening

¹ Better to be poor and honest than a rich person no one can trust.

An old friend used to say this: "Better to serve in heaven than reign in hell."

² Ignorant zeal is worthless;
   haste makes waste.

And this doesn't just mean hurrying to get things done and failing miserably, like I always do. It also means running in place -- working hard, but not smart.

³ People ruin their lives by their own stupidity,
   so why does God always get blamed?

Good question.

⁴ Wealth attracts friends as honey draws flies,
   but poor people are avoided like a plague.

Except at holiday time, when all the charities come out and beg. We should be paying attention to those very charities all year long.

⁵ Perjury won't go unpunished.
   Would you let a liar go free?

What goes around comes around. And even worse when the liar is found out!

⁶ Lots of people flock around a generous person;
   everyone's a friend to the philanthropist.

Well, yeah. Duh!

⁷ When you're down on your luck, even your family avoids you—
   yes, even your best friends wish you'd get lost.
If they see you coming, they look the other way—
   out of sight, out of mind.

Especially when you want to borrow money --

⁸ Grow a wise heart—you'll do yourself a favor;
   keep a clear head—you'll find a good life.

Don't panic when things get bumpy. It will work out.

⁹ The person who tells lies gets caught;
   the person who spreads rumors is ruined.

And if you don't think it will get back around to you? Better think again.

¹⁰ Blockheads shouldn't live on easy street
   any more than workers should give orders to their boss.

No they certainly should not. Although, some folks would equate their bosses to blockheads. It's all a matter of perspective, isn't it?

¹¹ Smart people know how to hold their tongue;
   their grandeur is to forgive and forget.

Grandeur -- I love that word here. I admire those that do this so much, especially when it's me they're forgiving! God has forgiven and forgotten. Oh, to be like God, and to be like those who are most like Him . . .

¹² Mean-tempered leaders are like mad dogs;
   the good-natured are like fresh morning dew.

Which refers, of course, back to the boss in verse 10, which then refers back to verse 2, which then refers back to verse one. Gotta love the way the Bible always makes more sense by building on the things it says.

¹³ A parent is worn to a frazzle by a stupid child;
   a nagging spouse is a leaky faucet.

And the ironic thing here is that usually we're nagging the spouse to just fix the danged leaky faucet already.

¹⁴ House and land are handed down from parents,
   but a congenial spouse comes straight from God.

The "right life partner" is the way my husband puts it. And he is straight from God, made for me, and given to me by His grace.

The holiday approaches, and with that this:

"Joy to the world! The Lord is come! Let earth receive her King!"

xoxoxox

From Proverbs 30

2010-11-30T06:12:00.000-08:00

^1-2 The skeptic swore, "There is no God! No God!—I can do anything I want!
I'm more animal than human;
   so-called human intelligence escapes me.

^3-4 "I flunked 'wisdom.'
   I see no evidence of a holy God.
Has anyone ever seen Anyone
   climb into Heaven and take charge?
   grab the winds and control them?
   gather the rains in his bucket?
   stake out the ends of the earth?
Just tell me his name, tell me the names of his sons.
   Come on now—tell me!"

Mistake #1: God didn't climb to heaven from earth. Since when is God human?

Mistake #2: Everything else that followed mistake #1.

xoxoxox

Work, Work, Work.

2010-08-25T10:34:00.000-07:00

I subscribe to a number of blogs. Most are artistic, many are money-saving. One of the artistic ones today was about the loss of the "trophies" of life, those accomplishments and people to whom we can point and be proud. All the "look what I did" things. You can find it here: Little Apartment on the Prairie

She referred her readers to another blog, saying "This post inspired and touched my heart this week: When Your Trying To Get Your Priorities Straight, in fact it's going on my fridge."

And here is that post: Holy Experience

I was a young mom like these two women, and I remember what it was like. My house was busy and loud. There was laundry and housework and meal preparation and dishes and baths . . . this endless doing of the necessary things in my family's life.

"I was made for this," I thought. And I was. I was good at it, and I enjoyed it. I still do. Having said that, I must admit that I am a horrific housekeeper. I still love that old saying "Hush up, cobwebs, dust go to sleep. I'm rocking my baby and my baby won't keep."

We are made and created to worship and love God. We miss so much of the unseen world because we simply can't see it. It is beyond the physical realm of the world in which we live, so the great challenge is to strive to see that unseen place. We can only do that via Jesus, and this draws us back to Him over and over again.

It's easy to say that because these higher callings are so important, the work should usually go by the wayside. By that I mean not that we let our homes dissolve into chaos -- rather, I just mean letting "work" take last place in our view of our priorities. As usual, it's much easier to sway from one extreme to the other, instead of trying to find the balance between the two.

But I think work is right up there with those higher callings. God gave us work; it is the thing that keeps us engaged and learning and involved and interested, and even connected to each other. I believe there will be work in heaven. The word gets such a bad rap -- "work" -- as if it's always hard. But it can be incredibly rewarding. I remember doing laundry in the basement of the house, folding and matching endless pairs of little socks. And when it was all done, I had a deep, incredibly wonderful feeling of accomplishment.

I connect with God through worship. He meets me there and fills me up. I could never do without that, without pursuing a life of adoration and worship for Him. But . . . I also glorify Him for giving me work. Working with my hands and accomplishing something is simply doing what He has made me to do. It's like a child looking up at a parent, and when we do it well, God is as pleased with us as we are with ourselves. It's all good.

We must be careful because we are compelled to measure. And measuring only gains us meaningless trophies. I loved seeing all that laundry done -- but it wasn't really something I thought should be reported on the nightly news. It's just laundry, after all.

But it was my work. And I did it well, and God was just as pleased then as He is when I look up and praise Him or pray or ponder the unseen world.

Oh, the love of God and the balance to which it challenges us. Talk about work.

xoxoxox

Looking Up

2010-08-19T09:18:00.000-07:00

I confess that I am secretly a closet Catholic.

(pun intended)

It's not that I agree with every bit of doctrine so much. But I love the liturgy and the reverence for God in the mass. I love the things that are repeated and addressed. I love and admire the faithfulness I see in the priests, brothers, monks, nuns, and faithful attenders. I check in with EWTN regularly just to hear the mass.

And of course I say this, I am quite sure, to the great dismay of those friends of mine who hold securely to their evangelical church beliefs. That's ok. We'll deal with that issue when we all get to heaven. Remember the old joke about Peter giving the tour of heaven and having to be quiet when you passed one of the rooms?

We all, Catholics and Protestants alike, have a tendency to be all about the rules. There is a lot of very beautiful liturgy that is essentially "paying" for the sins committed. The same is true of many other protestant denominations: we want to measure everything, and we make all these rules so that we can see just how far we are from God -- and just how much better or worse we are -- from each other. Catholics go to confession and then say "Hail Marys." Baptists don't dance or drink. Mennonites don't follow the current trends in terms of dress, in an effort to not be "of the world." My own church opposes abortion, drinking alcohol, and pre-marital sex.

Everybody is pretty much in the same boat when it comes to their church. You're supposed to follow a lot of rules and be good. It's no wonder that so many people call themselves "Christians" and yet have absolutely no relationship with Christ Himself, other than to try and be good people.

I was reading in Galatians 3 today; Paul's very strong language to the Galatians who were very interested in keeping rules and tallying up just how good they were. He had this to say:

^2-4Let me put this question to you: How did your new life begin? Was it by working your heads off to please God? Or was it by responding to God's Message to you? Are you going to continue this craziness? For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts what was begun by God. If you weren't smart enough or strong enough to begin it, how do you suppose you could perfect it?

Paul is hopping mad at these guys who insisted that the new Christians follow the old Jewish ways of the law. And with good reason. He continues:

^9-10So those now who live by faith are blessed along with Abraham, who lived by faith—this is no new doctrine! And that means that anyone who tries to live by his own effort, independent of God, is doomed to failure. Scripture backs this up: "Utterly cursed is every person who fails to carry out every detail written in the Book of the law."

So much for being a good person, right?

^11-12The obvious impossibility of carrying out such a moral program should make it plain that no one can sustain a relationship with God that way. The person who lives in right relationship with God does it by embracing what God arranges for him. Doing things for God is the opposite of entering into what God does for you.

And here is where I believe Rick Warren got it right -- a purpose-driven life isn't one where we do and do and do for God. It's one where we take a look at what God is doing, and we do what Paul says, which is embrace what God arranges for us.

Habakkuk had it right: "The person who believes God, is set right by God—and that's the real life."

Rule-keeping does not naturally evolve into living by faith, but only perpetuates itself in more and more rule-keeping, a fact observed in Scripture: "The one who does these things [rule-keeping] continues to live by them."

I, for one, am quite decidedly in favour of NOT living in that prison.

Its purpose was to make obvious to everyone that we are, in ourselves, out of right relationship with God, and therefore to show us the futility of devising some religious system for getting by our own efforts what we can only get by waiting in faith for God to complete his promise. For if any kind of rule-keeping had power to create life in us, we would certainly have gotten it by this time.

Who says it better than that?

²⁷But now you have arrived at your destination: By faith in Christ you are in direct relationship with God.

When I read this, I thought about my two brothers and my sister. One brother in particular tends to fall back on the old belief that being a Christian is all about having to give up all the fun things and keep all these rules. His philosophy is like so many others -- "I don't steal or cheat, I'm faithful to my girlfriend, I've never killed anyone, I pay my taxes. Why would a merciful God kick me out of heaven?"

The longer I live, the more backwards I find that kind of thinking. Making it all about the rules condemns us to hell. And that is of our own doing.

God calls me to look at Him, lifts my chin, speaks my name. He makes me laugh. He lets me fail and allows me to choose things that might hurt me, so I can learn. My life isn't about rules at all. It's about being a child whose Father delights in her.

Rule books are for referees. Jesus is for those -- Catholic, Baptist, Mennonite, Church of Christ, and everybody in between. My friend Rich Mullins said it very well in one of his early songs:

"Look up -- you could see if you just looked up. . . "

Mine, Mine, Mine

2010-08-10T22:21:00.000-07:00

From II Corinthians 6:17 or 18 --

"Don't link up with those who will pollute you.
I want you all for myself. "

It is a wonderful, incredible, amazing thing to belong and be wanted.

xoxoxox

I Wonder as I Squander

2010-08-09T06:45:00.000-07:00

Today, I am feeling the weight of what is about to happen: I have one daughter already gone and living 500 miles away, and two more are leaving in a week. One is going about 250 miles southwest, and the other about 100 miles southeast.

I wrote to my Mom last night, because I usually go to my Mom when I don't know what to do. I said this: "They're all leaving. Make it stop."

And because I know my mother well, I know she is feeling my pain, feeling tears sting her eyes like they do mine, and all the while knowing that I'll get through it just fine, because she did.

It is as life goes. It is the repeating of things over and over again. My turn.

Paul encouraged me today. He had no idea when he wrote that letter to the Corinthian church that Jenny's heart would be lifted by what he said. But that's God for you --

^1-10Companions as we are in this work with you, we beg you, please don't squander one bit of this marvelous life God has given us.

I know Paul is talking to people in the church at Corinth who seem to be going on about their lives as if nothing had changed. I realise that he's concerned about opportunities they might have to change lives in their community, to introduce their neighbors to Christ, to be examples, to let their lives be arrows pointing straight to God.

But he is also talking to me. He's telling me that time is valuable, precious, gone in a wink. So don't squander it; don't waste time fussing about who did the dishes when you could be hugging her and telling her how amazing she is and how convinced you are she'll conquer every challenge.

Not that the dishes don't have to get done. OK, tell her that while you're doing the dishes with her. Maybe squirt some water or snap a dishtowel and laugh a lot.

I have heard people tell me this all my life: every moment I have with my daughter is precious. So every moment in one daughter's life, times five -- how did I get to be the one who won the lottery and hit the jackpot when it came to precious moments? I don't know, don't really care -- I just want to be highly mindful of it, not be looking back all the time at those moments I did squander with my own selfishness. I want to look ahead. The moments aren't over, they're just spread a little further apart with physical distance.

And it is so much easier to enjoy them now that there aren't all these little high-pitched voices screaming and talking and arguing over whose turn it is to do the dishes.

I need a sign somewhere in my house -- maybe in the kitchen somewhere -- that says "no squandering allowed." Get out the map. Quit squandering around.

And squander over here and let's get some dishes done.

xoxox

Operator, How May I Connect Your Call?

2010-08-05T06:55:00.000-07:00

^{From II Corinthians 6:}

^11-13Dear, dear Corinthians, I can't tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life. We didn't fence you in. The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren't small, but you're living them in a small way. I'm speaking as plainly as I can and with great affection. Open up your lives. Live openly and expansively!

If ever there was a call to the body of Christ -- the Church -- today, it is this it.

xoxoxox

Aufedersein (Our Feet are the Same)

2010-08-04T07:28:00.000-07:00

Some observations from II Corinthians 5:

We've been given a glimpse of the real thing, our true home, our resurrection bodies! The Spirit of God whets our appetite by giving us a taste of what's ahead. He puts a little of heaven in our hearts so that we'll never settle for less.

I can't tell you how many times that Hunk O Man and I have looked at each other and said "It just doesn't get any better than this, does it?" Not on this earth, maybe. But what a gift to get just a taste of what is to come!

If I acted crazy, I did it for God; if I acted overly serious, I did it for you. Christ's love has moved me to such extremes. His love has the first and last word in everything we do.

So it's all your fault. Metaphorically speaking.

^14-15Our firm decision is to work from this focused center: One man died for everyone. That puts everyone in the same boat. He included everyone in his death so that everyone could also be included in his life, a resurrection life, a far better life than people ever lived on their own.

So knock it off with all this "my Dad can beat up your Dad" nonsense. (So to speak. With laughter.)

^16-20Because of this decision we don't evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don't look at him that way anymore.

What a relief. We're all the same. The ground at the foot of the cross is level.

Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other.

So let's get to it, shall we?

xoxoxox

Dust Storms

2010-08-03T11:41:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about what makes a church successful. I don't mean in terms of having lots of members or being very visible -- I mean in terms of what God has called us to do: make disciples. What is it that draws us to our churches? What is it about our church that makes it attractive to our community?

Sometimes it's a charismatic speaker. Or a talented worship leader. Paul had this to say about placing our attention on someone other than Christ:

From II Corinthians 4 --

^5-6Remember, our Message is not about ourselves; we're proclaiming Jesus Christ, the Master. All we are is messengers, errand runners from Jesus for you. It started when God said, "Light up the darkness!" and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of Christ, all bright and beautiful.
^7-12If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us. . .

17-18There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever.

The other day I wondered if I should get braces to straighten my teeth. Then I remembered -- why would I do that, or any other cosmetic-type thing, when this body is so temporary? When I remember that we are dust, it all comes back into perspective. We are so small, and God is so big and bright and perfect. How do we ever miss Him?

Lord, please open my eyes today to Your overwhelmingly obvious glory, filling up and spilling out of those who love you -- and the clarity of vision to see what is You and what is dust --

xoxox

Grace

2010-07-30T06:13:00.000-07:00

From II Corinthians 2:

What the majority of you agreed to as punishment is punishment enough. Now is the time to forgive this man and help him back on his feet. If all you do is pour on the guilt, you could very well drown him in it. My counsel now is to pour on the love.

If only we could actively remember that the church is a congregation of sinners. At the foot of the Cross, the ground is level. And our God is so merciful

Lord Jesus, thank you for choosing to be my Saviour. And thank you that your mercies are new every morning.

xoxoxox

A Bit of History

2010-07-27T10:05:00.000-07:00

I love history. I love for a couple of reasons.

One is that we inevitably have a romanced view of what happened in the past, so it's a pleasant experience to remember. One other reason is that there are valuable principles to be gained from a study of history.

I also love being a pioneer. I have always enjoyed change, even with the pain and discomfort it usually causes. In the end, it's always worth it. There is something always to be learned or gained, and if we hit it just right, both.

One doesn't get to be a pioneer without looking forward. Looking over our shoulder doesn't help us when we're moving forward because we can't see where we're going.

And let's face it, time keeps right on going, like a river. It always picks us up and takes us -- sometimes fighting and screaming like children throwing tantrums, and other times mercifully thankful to move on.

Looking forward also means you have to have something at which to look. Whether it's just our feet moving in steps of blind faith or a goal we're striving to achieve, God gave us eyes for a reason.

I often cringe when I hear the words "don't mess with what works." I always wonder just how much longer it will work, and to what end? Is this thing we refuse to change really going to last?

Of course it won't last. Nothing really lasts -- one look at the castles of Europe or last week's leftovers will leave us with one conclusion: things aren't made to last. And more importantly, God didn't create the world to last.

Even Paul says this:

Phillipians 3:13-15 (New International Version)

Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

I'm a sheep. I do the following when it comes to my husband and other leaders. I lead some small groups of sheep where I'm qualified and called. But overall, it's not my job to cast vision and be a big-picture person in the kingdom.

I depend on my shepherds to do that. And I really do pray that they don't depend on history to do it. Because again, it is the principles of history -- and not the practices of it -- that should guide us.

xoxoxox

Sometimes A Bit of Silliness Is in Order

2010-07-22T17:39:00.000-07:00

We have always aimed for being the family on the block where all the kids want to go. Although this happened in the girls' early years, it fell off when we moved to California. But upon moving back to Indiana, a posse formed, and there were teenagers at our house regularly, making pizza and eating everything in sight.

In the past three years, the same thing has happened and completely to my delight. There are kids at my house when I'm not even at my house. And the greatest compliment came when my dad, visiting for Barbie's graduation, said this: "I was sitting there when the girls' friends walked in. And I was amazed when I saw the Senior Class President, the Salutatorian and Student Body President, one of the Student Marshalls, and a couple of the ushers for graduation."

To impress my dad is no small thing.

I tell you all this because we had an extra kid on vacation with us this year. Technically he's Barbie's boyfriend -- but he's really everyone's boyfriend. He's the adopted boy we never got, and we love him dearly. This romantic relationship will probably end, as do most teenaged romances. But Hay will always be a part of our family, as will Hall, Bruce, Gar, Becca, and Britt -- the Marco Polos.

So here's a bit of silliness while we were all on vacation at Round Lake Christian Assembly, where Hunk O Man and his sister grew up:

xoxox

Hello, Old Friends Part 3

2010-07-14T11:13:00.000-07:00

I saw a lot of old friends last week. We were on vacation, and had the amazing opportunity to attend a reunion of the members of a single's ministry that Hunk O Man headed up for 10 years.

I smiled so much that day that my face hurt. And it was totally worth it.

There was also a convention, and I reconnected with some old friends there as well. I saw people I love from home, and even had coffee with the oldest friend I've ever had (and hadn't seen in 40 years).

All this reminded me of the precious, priceless value of the people I have had in my life. Who gets this kind of blessing in their life? I am grateful to the point of tears.

On this particular trip I also hurt some old friends inadvertently. One was an honest mistake, and I tried to make sure she understood how sorry I was. I'm waiting now for her heart to heal from the damage I caused. It may take awhile. I will wait.

The other was just a mindless comment -- one that sounded funny in my head -- spoken to an old friend who has been very sick for some time. I thought he would laugh because of his wry sense of humour. But as soon as I said it, I realised how completely insensitive it was.

Now this old friend has been somewhat distant for awhile. There is a palpable gap when I see him; a coolness that probably has always been there, but that I completely ignore. I do this on purpose, and here's why:

It doesn't matter if your friends love you. It matters if you love your friends.

What matters is that I stand in the gap and pray for his sickness to heal. What matters is that I maintain an expectation that no time has passed and no walls are there. What matters is that we were, are, and will continue to be friends as long as it depends on me.

This is what God has taught me, an introvert who would rather live in a cave than deal with the difficulties of life in a human world. People matter. People were created to love and be loved. And when my amazing Saviour is directly in my line of sight, everyone between me and him will be captured in His love for me and mine for Him.

Lord God, please make me remember this today. I am sure it will be hard because of who I am. I am sure I will fail. And I am sure that You are in control.

xoxoxox

I Like to Highlight the Really Good Parts

2010-06-29T09:02:00.000-07:00

From Romans 11:

^33-36Have you ever come on anything quite like this extravagant generosity of God, this deep, deep wisdom? It's way over our heads. We'll never figure it out.

   Is there anyone around who can explain God?
   Anyone smart enough to tell him what to do?
   Anyone who has done him such a huge favor
      that God has to ask his advice?

   Everything comes from him;
   Everything happens through him;
   Everything ends up in him.
   Always glory! Always praise!
      Yes. Yes! YES!

xoxoxox

Barbie One Sock

2010-06-28T11:45:00.000-07:00

I know she'll probably kill me for writing this. But it is precious to me, so I wanted to share it with you.

This is on purpose. This child has been wearing one sock to bed for virtually all her life. She says that she's too hot with two socks and too cold with one.

Where did I get this kid?

I am quite sure I don't deserve all the laughter she provides in my life. But thank God He gave her to me. I need to laugh on a daily basis.

xoxoxox

Adding It All Up

2010-06-25T19:08:00.000-07:00

I have friends who would probably ask this question from Romans 9. In fact, I believe at some point I asked this question myself:
¹⁹Are you going to object, "So how can God blame us for anything since he's in charge of everything? If the big decisions are already made, what say do we have in it?"

Paul, in his usual "I'm not messing around here, folks, I used to be a Pharisee" kind of way answers that question this way:

^20-33Who in the world do you think you are to second-guess God?

Oh! Uh, good point.

He continues:

Do you for one moment suppose any of us knows enough to call God into question?

Kind of puts things into perspective, doesn't it?

Clay doesn't talk back to the fingers that mold it, saying, "Why did you shape me like this?" Isn't it obvious that a potter has a perfect right to shape one lump of clay into a vase for holding flowers and another into a pot for cooking beans? If God needs one style of pottery especially designed to show his angry displeasure and another style carefully crafted to show his glorious goodness, isn't that all right? Either or both happens to Jews, but it also happens to the other people.

I suppose the challenge here is simply to figure out what kind of pottery I am. But Paul is right, whatever that is -- if I created it, I'd certainly be offended if it looked at me and questioned my decisions about what it was.

Hosea put it well:

   I'll call nobodies and make them somebodies;
      I'll call the unloved and make them beloved.
   In the place where they yelled out, "You're nobody!"
      they're calling you "God's living children."

And this is wonderful proof of why God is decidedly not human in any way. He takes the ones we'd consider unimportant and gives them a high position simply because they belong to Him.

   Isaiah maintained this same emphasis:
   If each grain of sand on the seashore were numbered
      and the sum labeled "chosen of God,"
   They'd be numbers still, not names;
      salvation comes by personal selection.
   God doesn't count us; he calls us by name.
      Arithmetic is not his focus.

Nope, God is definitely not about math. And it's a good thing (for me), because I'm terrible at it.

We are not nameless faces in a long line.

We are not social security numbers.

We are not tax forms for the IRS to sort.

We are not annoyances caught in voicemail hell.

We are not children or people. In my case, I'm Jenny. God knows me personally. He didn't create a person, or a child. He created Jenny. And He created you as well.

In a world where we treat one another as statistics and equations, it is wonderful to remember that the God to whom we belong see us as who we really are. And we are priceless --

because He said so.

xoxoxox

Only Ten Things.

2010-06-18T09:02:00.000-07:00

From Romans 4 -- (The Message) --

^4-5If you're a hard worker and do a good job, you deserve your pay; we don't call your wages a gift. But if you see that the job is too big for you, that it's something only God can do, and you trust him to do it—you could never do it for yourself no matter how hard and long you worked—well, that trusting-him-to-do-it is what gets you set right with God, by God. Sheer gift.

I read this just now and was reassured. Believe me, I need to be reassured right now. Here is why:

Around about late February/early March, Hunk O Man and I had decided it was time to put our house on the market. We'd spend Spring Break, the first week of April, doing the odd and end things to get it ready. Then, April 12 we'd put it on the market.

So Rhonda called and said "I know it's not ready yet, but I have this couple who'd like to look at your house. Do you think I could show it to them?" This was the second week of March, a full month prior to the time we had planned to put it on the market. Rhonda is not a pushy kind of gal; she is sweet and accommodating. But we thought hey, why not? So we cleaned it up and I staged it, and the couple saw the house.

And they loved it.

On March 22, we had a signed contract and a closing date of April 25. But -- we had a lot to do. I only had about 10 things to do. The list went something like this:

1. Re-screen the back porch.

2. Write two research papers.

3. Read "A Streetcar Named Desire" and write an essay on it.

4. Paint the dining room.

5. Write six more essays for final exams.

6. Make two prom dresses. Don't use a pattern, just design one as you go and copy the other from an existing dress. Drive the 1.5 hours to Raleigh about 3 times for fabric and patterns and notions and more fabric.

7. Pack up the entire house.

8. Prime and paint the kitchen cabinets.

9. Put a door on the closet in Bug's room, paint Babydoll's room, touch up the peeling paint in the laundry room, paint all the wainscoting that ran (quite literally) everywhere in the house.

10. Try not to lose my mind.

And you know what? I prayed a lot, worked hard, and God made it all happen. It all got done and everyone's mind, including mine, came out intact and functioning normally. The job was clearly too big for us, and God got it done.

So with such a fresh example in my head, why am I freaking out now?

Because the house we live in now is my favourite house of all the houses in which I've ever lived. I LOVE this house. But -- this house is on the market also. It has been for over 2 years. We agreed to an open, month-to-month lease because we thought we'd probably find another house.

We had a showing on Wednesday (my birthday, no less!). The a/c was broken and it was probably 90 degrees and 90% humidity in the house. I picked it up but didn't really "clean" it -- too hot to run the sweeper! I can stage a house and make it fabulous, and I didn't do that.

But -- the people loved the house. And yesterday, I had to go back to God and ask "Really? You would make me move 6 weeks after I moved into the house I absolutely love and you would do it on my birthday? Really?"

Now let's just hang on a minute here, Jen. Am I talking to the same God who enabled me to accomplish that list of the 10 things? What is the matter with me? What makes me think He would put me in such a position?

I hang my head as I realise this: I had to get past the freaking out part before I could step into the trust. I wish it were one easy motion. But I am a horrible sinner and it is not one easy motion. Of all those I could trust the most -- the One who has never failed me -- I seem to trust Him the least. I know God, really know Him. I know better than to not trust Him.

So He reassured me today with Romans 4. Because He loves me, and doesn't want to give me too much, and He wants me to remember that He never will give me too much. If I have to move again, there will be another list of 10 impossible things and He will get them accomplished, not me. Or even just one impossible thing -- that I don't lose my mind and have to be sent to the nut house -- and God will still keep me sane.

¹⁶This is why the fulfillment of God's promise depends entirely on trusting God and his way, and then simply embracing him and what he does. God's promise arrives as pure gift.

When everything was hopeless, Abraham believed anyway, deciding to live not on the basis of what he saw he couldn't do but on what God said he would do.

The same thing gets said about us when we embrace and believe the One who brought Jesus to life when the conditions were equally hopeless. The sacrificed Jesus made us fit for God, set us right with God.

Promise, after promise, after promise. I am thanking God today.

xoxox

The Cost of Living

2010-06-15T10:12:00.000-07:00

For over a week now, we've been without air conditioning in 90+ degree heat. We do our best to cool things off with ceiling fans cool nights. But overall, it's made us pretty hot -- and it's humid -- and tempers are short because we're all very uncomfortable.

Which brings me to this: Proverbs 15. When I read these things:

¹³ A cheerful heart brings a smile to your face;
a sad heart makes it hard to get through the day.

¹⁵ A miserable heart means a miserable life;
a cheerful heart fills the day with song.

³⁰ A twinkle in the eye means joy in the heart,
and good news makes you feel fit as a fiddle.

I think of my youngest child, Babydoll. She's 14 and one of the greatest joys of my life. And she's pleasant and easygoing even in the midst of this uncomfortable heat. More than anyone I know -- and I know a lot of people -- she is a living example of these verses.

Babydoll shouldn't even be here. She was a surprise gift from God when Hunk O Man and I had decided that four children was enough. We were done. So when news of Babydoll came along, there was considerably less excitement and joy greeting the news. This changed, of course, in the days that followed and especially on the day of her birth. She has been a joyful child from the start.

I remember someone asking me just why I had to have five children. Couldn't I have stopped at three? It's a fair question; kids cost a lot of money. College alone for just one child these days will send you into the poorhouse.

I honestly didn't know what to say, but I was offended at the question because I love every one of my children. So I countered with this: "which one would you like me to get rid of?"

I didn't have five children. I had Rose, Bug, Barbie, JB, and Babydoll. I had the privilege of bringing five people into the world. They aren't nameless "kids," they are unique individuals that contribute to the world around them. They drive me and each other crazy. They are talented and smart. They are thoughtless, careless, and stupid -- and the apples don't fall far from that tree! They are sweet, kind, and generous. They cost a fortune with their makeup and trips to Sonic and movies with friends and school fees and uniforms and Christmas and birthday gifts. They make even me question just why I had to have five kids and not one or two or three.

But above all else, they delight God with their being. He glories in Rose, in Bug, in Barbie, in JB, and in Babydoll.

So there you go. We may all be irritable with each other due to a lack of air conditioning in 90 degree heat. We do drive one another crazy. There are never any glasses out of which to drink. The washer works day and night. But . . .

Thank you God that this house has a cool basement. And for my girly-squirrelies, cause they are priceless.

xoxox

Sorry, I Have No Idea. Actually, I Don't Work Here.

2010-06-12T12:15:00.000-07:00

I often walk through a store (usually Wal-Mart, since that's pretty much all there is where I live) and pick up things. I don't mean things to buy -- I mean things that have fallen on the floor. I also put the clothing back on the racks when it's fallen down, and even put pieces of clothing with others of its kind when it's out of place. I pick up trash and throw it away. I pick up the odd things stuck in the checkout stands and give them to the cashier to put away.

I am just one amazingly conscientious person, aren't I? Giving and generous with no thought to myself.

Wow, humble too. I even amaze myself.

Did I mention that I often say to myself, "What is the matter with people these days?" and "Who works here, anyway? Do they actually work? Do they pay any attention to the way this store looks? Well apparently not. Jeesh, look at this place. I don't even work here and I'm doing this."

I recently remembered an incident in my past. A boyfriend at the time (who proved to be a complete jerk -- but apparently now is a pretty nice, good person) noticed a garden hose outside my apartment. It had not been wound up and put away. He asked why not.

To which I replied, "How should I know? It's not my hose."

He then said "Well who cares whose hose it is? Somebody should put it away! And especially you if it isn't your hose!"

I then thought "gosh, what's the matter with me?"

I then thought "who does he think he is, anyway?"

Well, even though he and I and pretty much everyone I knew at the time who was my age were all jerks, he was right. I should have been even more concerned about that hose because it didn't belong to me.

I have such high ideals for myself, my family, my life. I try to example Jesus in my life. The problem is that while I think it's a great idea and it will make me look good, my motivation is often suspect. Or if I were actually honest with myself, I'd have to admit that my motivation pretty much negates the whole action.

And this just goes to show you that no matter how close to God we think we're getting, there is still a vast chasm between us and Him. All the more reason to believe that it doesn't matter how good we are. It still won't get us to heaven.

And I am certainly no better than those people who left this stuff all over. Maybe they were having a crisis, or dealing with unruly children, or in a hurry and late, or maybe they didn't even notice the thing fell down. Or they were too shy and insecure to admit to a cashier that they just didn't want that thing they brought to the register.

Ah, the benefit of the doubt. I want it but I don't want to extend it. Shame on me.

And once again, thank God for His amazing grace. I have to go to Wal-Mart right now, and I think I'm going to need it.

xoxoxox

Sticks and Stones

2010-06-11T23:01:00.000-07:00

^{From Proverbs 9:}

^7-12 If you reason with an arrogant cynic, you'll get slapped in the face;
   confront bad behavior and get a kick in the shins.
So don't waste your time on a scoffer;
   all you'll get for your pains is abuse.
But if you correct those who care about life,
   that's different—they'll love you for it!
Save your breath for the wise—they'll be wiser for it;
   tell good people what you know—they'll profit from it.

This is exactly why Christians don't need to go around criticising the lives of those who have no real relationship with God. The same rules simply do not apply.

Christians, on the other hand -- we don't always appreciate correction but eventually we come around. In the end, we always benefit from it.

And here's why:

Skilled living gets its start in the Fear-of-God,
   insight into life from knowing a Holy God.
It's through me, Lady Wisdom, that your life deepens,
   and the years of your life ripen.
Live wisely and wisdom will permeate your life;
   mock life and life will mock you.

xoxox

June

2010-06-07T11:21:00.000-07:00

Baccalaureate, Commencement, Graduation. Have you ever noticed how many times the speakers at these events refer to "not an ending, but a beginning?" Both things are true.

The interesting thing to me is that the end of the long climb culminates at the top of a mountain. And if you're looking out from a high place, you can usually catch sight of other pinnacles -- other high places. So to look out from high school graduation, it's easy to see things like college graduation, marriage, children. These things are not in focus because they're far away. But they are in sight, because they're all high points that stick up and are visible from the top of the graduation mountain.

What we forget is that deep valley that lies between us and them. There is no hopping across because the distance is too great. The easy part lies straight ahead, and that's the downhill climb. It's often an easy slide.

The hard part comes when we're faced with the uphill climb from the flat part between the two heights. The edge of the valley, as it were. We've gotten comfortable with things being relatively easy and achievable.

Now comes the hard part.

The nice thing is that this climb upward always culminates in reaching the pinnacle. It might be slow, and it will most certainly be difficult. But it will end. And again, all those other high places will be in sight again.

Barbie graduates from high school this Friday. Rose and Bug graduated last year, and JB will graduate next year. I love the top of this particular mountain, because it is so filled with possibility. I also (at this point in my life), am able to see the tops of so many other mountains, in every direction, where my girls will go and climb but I will not. They aren't my mountains. And that part makes me a bit sad -- I know it's the way of things, but knowing it and feeling it are distinctly different.

So I will throw parties and celebrate and smile and laugh and photograph as much as humanly possible. When you're on this mountain, you see an entire range ahead. Tired? Oh, no -- not when you're young, still a teenager, and this is the very first mountain. Full of excitement? Definitely. Bring it on.

I see this shining in my daughter's eyes and I am proud. Give me the biggest kiss and hug possible, Little Girl, and off you go.

And here, you'll need a snack. And some money. And don't forget to call. And drive carefully, there are crazies on the road out there. Do you have your pillow? Did you remember your important papers? Here, give me another kiss. Oh, wait, I forgot to give you that thing . . . where's the camera?

xoxoxox

Proverbs 26, Part 2

2010-05-27T04:02:00.000-07:00

From Proverbs 26 -- with commentary --

¹⁶ Dreamers fantasize their self-importance;
they think they are smarter
than a whole college faculty.

I wish I could count the times I've heard my kids (and even I have said) this: "This assignment from my teacher is just stupid. It's not teaching me anything." As if we know better.

¹⁷ You grab a mad dog by the ears
when you butt into a quarrel that's none of your business.

And this is exactly why taking up an offense for someone else is a bad idea. Just because it is an injustice doesn't mean it's any of your affair.

^18-19 People who shrug off deliberate deceptions,
saying, "I didn't mean it, I was only joking,"
Are worse than careless campers
who walk away from smoldering campfires.

This is something I absolutely detest -- when someone puts you down and then sloughs it off as a joke. Let's face it; that's just lying right to your face, and leaves you smoldering with anger. Like tossing a match into a forest.

²⁰ When you run out of wood, the fire goes out;
when the gossip ends, the quarrel dies down.

Take away the fuel and the fire stops wrecking everything.

²¹ A quarrelsome person in a dispute
is like kerosene thrown on a fire.

Arguing about something you're trying to solve is just going to make it worse. What's more important -- being right, or fixing what's wrong?

²² Listening to gossip is like eating cheap candy;
do you want junk like that in your belly?

Or those words in your brain? That impression in your mind? It's tempting but it's SO destructive.

²³ Smooth talk from an evil heart
is like glaze on cracked pottery.

It sure looks good -- except for that one major flaw.

^24-26 Your enemy shakes hands and greets you like an old friend,
   all the while conniving against you.
When he speaks warmly to you, don't believe him for a minute;
   he's just waiting for the chance to rip you off.
No matter how cunningly he conceals his malice,
   eventually his evil will be exposed in public.

What goes around comes around.

²⁷ Malice backfires;
spite boomerangs.

See?

²⁸ Liars hate their victims;
flatterers sabotage trust.

And when this person then wants you to believe in them, it's all been ruined. So don't be that person.

xoxoxox

Proverbs 26, Part I

2010-05-26T08:21:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 26 (The Message), with commentary from Jen!

Fools Recycle Silliness

¹ We no more give honors to fools than pray for snow in summer or rain during harvest.

This is up for debate in America today, don't you think?

² You have as little to fear from an undeserved curse
as from the dart of a wren or the swoop of a swallow.

Just because someone says it doesn't make it true.

³ A whip for the racehorse, a tiller for the sailboat—
and a stick for the back of fools!

Somebody always has to step up and point out what's ridiculous.

⁴ Don't respond to the stupidity of a fool;
you'll only look foolish yourself.

Difficult to do, but definitely the smarter choice.

⁵ Answer a fool in simple terms
so he doesn't get a swelled head.

On the other hand, do answer them sometimes. Use small words.

⁶ You're only asking for trouble
when you send a message by a fool.

Sometimes you have to just say "I should have known this would happen."

⁷ A proverb quoted by fools
is limp as a wet noodle.

Credibility is everything.

⁸ Putting a fool in a place of honor
is like setting a mud brick on a marble column.

Kind of like one of those black velvet Elvis paintings hanging in the White House.

⁹ To ask a moron to quote a proverb
is like putting a scalpel in the hands of a drunk.

In other words, "Uh-oh. This can't be good."

¹⁰ Hire a fool or a drunk
and you shoot yourself in the foot.

And don't ask them to quote you a proverb, because then you're really in trouble if your foot needs surgery!

¹¹ As a dog eats its own vomit,
so fools recycle silliness.

This isn't just wrong, it's flat-out gross! Eeewww!

¹² See that man who thinks he's so smart?
You can expect far more from a fool than from him.

Perhaps I don't know it all. What a concept.

¹³ Loafers say, "It's dangerous out there!
Tigers are prowling the streets!"
and then pull the covers back over their heads.

Just because you're afraid of getting hurt doesn't mean you have to check out of your life. Do that and you'll have no life.

¹⁴ Just as a door turns on its hinges,
so a lazybones turns back over in bed.

Somehow I don't think the snooze was meant to be hit as many times as I hit it.

¹⁵ A shiftless sluggard puts his fork in the pie,
but is too lazy to lift it to his mouth.

Now THAT is lazy.

Part II to follow!

xoxoxox

Deja Vu All Over Again

2010-05-17T09:40:00.000-07:00

I realised something this morning.

I've always wanted a do-over in my life. I've wanted the chance to go back to certain sections of my life and re-do them, so I could avoid the mistakes I made.

This morning I realised I'd just make different mistakes.

And once again I am thankful for the blood of my Saviour!

xoxoxox

Socks and Jots and Tittles

2010-05-14T08:22:00.000-07:00

Do your kids match their socks?

I wonder if it has become the fashion these days to purposely mismatch socks. Or maybe it's just my kids who do it. As long as the socks are the same basic color, they don't seem to mind if they don't match. In fact, now that I think about it, they don't even have to be the same basic color.

I have five kids, so I have spent a fair amount of my life matching up the socks, primarily in the whites load. So I get a little OCD about strays; for this reason, I have created the Stray Sock Box.

And we just moved, so I have no idea where the Stray Sock Box actually is. In fact, I have strays that may have no match in my known laundry universe at all. The girls all do their own laundry these days, so a stray sock could be anywhere. I used to be able to move furniture and find them. But no more -- that would be an invasion of privacy, and honestly, about half the time now I didn't even buy the socks.

But socks are always being borrowed from me. So going to find strays is a slippery slope at the very least.

This morning I was folding laundry and this whole issue arose. My Sock OCD kicked in. Where are the matches to these strays? Should I even care? Why not buy more socks? Is there a sock overload in our landfills today? How many holes does a sock have to have before it's ok to throw it away?

I have been reduced to jots and tittles. I am a Sock Pharisee.

I am thanking God that His mercies are new every morning. I think I will look into a 12-step program -- maybe find a Sock-Matchers Anonymous that I can join.

xoxoxox

Talk about the Power of Prayer

2010-05-11T10:29:00.000-07:00

I just read this from Acts 4:

^23-26As soon as Peter and John were let go, they went to their friends and told them what the high priests and religious leaders had said. Hearing the report, they lifted their voices in a wonderful harmony in prayer: "Strong God, you made heaven and earth and sea and everything in them. By the Holy Spirit you spoke through the mouth of your servant and our father, David:

Why the big noise, nations?
Why the mean plots, peoples?
Earth's leaders push for position,
Potentates meet for summit talks,
The God-deniers, the Messiah-defiers!A ^27-28"For in fact they did meet—Herod and Pontius Pilate with nations and peoples, even Israel itself!—met in this very city to plot against your holy Son Jesus, the One you made Messiah, to carry out the plans you long ago set in motion.
^29-30"And now they're at it again! Take care of their threats and give your servants fearless confidence in preaching your Message, as you stretch out your hand to us in healings and miracles and wonders done in the name of your holy servant Jesus."
³¹While they were praying, the place where they were meeting trembled and shook. They were all filled with the Holy Spirit and continued to speak God's Word with fearless confidence.
Gotta be kidding me. There was an earthquake while they prayed? I want faith like that!
^32-33The whole congregation of believers was united as one—one heart, one mind! They didn't even claim ownership of their own possessions. No one said, "That's mine; you can't have it." They shared everything. The apostles gave powerful witness to the resurrection of the Master Jesus, and grace was on all of them.
^34-35And so it turned out that not a person among them was needy. Those who owned fields or houses sold them and brought the price of the sale to the apostles and made an offering of it. The apostles then distributed it according to each person's need.
And although it's hard to admit -- this may be true democracy AND communism when they actually do work. Pretty amazing stuff.
xoxox

Keeping the Main Thing the Main Thing

2010-04-12T12:09:00.000-07:00

I've been sewing. When I do this, I search for lectures and sermons to which I can listen and learn. I've listened to audio books -- biographies, good fiction. I've heard talks on TED (great website - www.TED.com) about science and religion.

Yesterday and today, I've been listening to Rick Warren's sermons from www.saddleback.com. They did a series on science, philosophy and God, and it was pretty good.

So I'm continuing with other sermons of his. Right now it's called "The Word of Assurrance."

And I have this question -- can we ever pray the prayer of salvation too many times? I've been a Christian for 30+ years. And yet everytime I listen to someone go up front, at the end of a church service, and commit to be a Christian -- I repeat the words right with them: I believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and I accept Him as my Lord and Savior. Whether I believe it for the first time or for the millionth time, it is a commitment I want to repeat over and over and over again. I can never say it enough.

So let me challenge you, as a believer, to repeat it again. If you are one of the many ministers who stands up each week and gives a sermon, let me challenge you: is the basis of your message that people need to hear the gospel? Amid your words of encouragement and addressing the myriad of topics relevant to us today, is the foundation of what you say this: we need the salvation of Christ today?

I'll leave you with that, in love --

xoxox

Here! I Got You This! Open It! Open It!

2010-04-07T05:57:00.001-07:00

God has been doing some amazing things in our lives here lately. We were going to work on our house this week, and put it on the market this coming Monday, April 12. Instead, God brought us buyers about a month ago, and instead we're painting and packing. We saw a house last July that we loved and wanted to rent -- but weren't ready to sell ours. So that house was rented to someone else. But, those people have since moved, and the rental house is available again.

So not only did He sell our house for us, He gave us a bigger, nicer, cheaper place to live.

Oh, the abundance of God! I cannot tell you enough about the way He choose to bless me. I suppose I recognise this because I love to give gifts. At Christmas or birthdays, I spend a lot of time thinking about the person to whom I'm giving -- things they've said, ways they are. I often even pray about it. Then an amazing idea will pop into my head, and I'll either do it or wrap it up, and then the best part comes -- I get to watch them receive it. It gives me such joy to do that! No wonder God loves it so much!

We all live off his generous bounty,
gift after gift after gift.
We got the basics from Moses,
and then this exuberant giving and receiving,
This endless knowing and understanding—
all this came through Jesus, the Messiah.

John 1:16-18

xoxoxox

Risky Business

2010-03-15T13:55:00.000-07:00

From Luke 8: 45 --

In the crowd that day there was a woman who for twelve years had been afflicted with hemorrhages. She had spent every penny she had on doctors but not one had been able to help her. She slipped in from behind and touched the edge of Jesus' robe. At that very moment her hemorrhaging stopped. Jesus said, "Who touched me?" When no one stepped forward, Peter said, "But Master, we've got crowds of people on our hands. Dozens have touched you." Jesus insisted, "Someone touched me. I felt power discharging from me." When the woman realized that she couldn't remain hidden, she knelt trembling before him. In front of all the people, she blurted out her story—why she touched him and how at that same moment she was healed.

Jesus said, "Daughter, you took a risk trusting me, and now you're healed and whole. Live well, live blessed!"

John Ortberg is famous for saying "If you want to walk on water, you've got to get out of the boat." It's all about taking risks, and doing the thing that just isn't safe.

This woman could have held back, been depressed because so many doctors had taken advantage of her. But she held out one last hope -- and she came away healed. She took a risk.

What kind of risks is God calling you to take today? Tough question -- and tougher even for me, in the place where God has me. But a risk with God will always pay off. With God, even when you bet against the house you win.

xoxox

Just to Sum Up

2010-03-03T22:19:00.000-08:00

From Proverbs 3:

^5-12 Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he's the one who will keep you on track.
Don't assume that you know it all.

Honor God with everything you own;
give him the first and the best.
Your barns will burst,
your wine vats will brim over.

xoxox

Zen and the Art of Painting the Kitchen

2010-03-03T21:26:00.000-08:00

I have to paint my kitchen this weekend. It's all white -- walls, cabinets, appliances. My realtor says there's just too much white in there, and it needs some color. Neutral color, of course.

My house seems to be turning varying shades of brownish taupe-tan-beige. It is fading into the impersonal.

So anyway, I had several paint chips up on the wall yesterday, and because I couldn't decide, I asked Hunk 'O Man what he thought. Here's how the conversation went:

Me: "So, which one do you like?"

HOM: "Ummmmm..."

Me: "You can't tell any difference between them, can you?"

HOM: "Ummmmmm..."

Me: "They all look exactly alike to you. Never mind."

HOM: "Yep. See ya."

Typical man.

Because I couldn't think of what else to do, I prayed about it. And I felt really ridiculous praying about it -- it's paint color, for crying out loud! Jeesh, Jen, just pick one already! I couldn't believe that something so insignificant could paralyze me. I felt really stupid. "Dear God, I know this is really dumb, and I know it probably doesn't even matter, but could You please guide me to the correct paint color?"

And then suddenly -- I realised this: when I pray, I break the grip of worry. Exactly like what Rick Warren said -- when I give, I break the grip of materialism. It's a universal principle.

So in this case, the paint wasn't the thing. The going back to my Father to ask for help was the thing. Paint really had very little, if anything, to do with it. Even when it is something so inane as a paint color, I still need to pray. I need to break that grip that paralyzes me from action.

And this is true no matter the thing. We tend to think that tiny specks of things in our lives don't matter to God. In all honesty, they might not. But the fact that we go to Him and ask for help because of those things -- this He cares about deeply.

So I finally broke down and chose one of the many taupe/brown/tan colors tonight.

(Hunk O Man was right. They all do look the same. God is laughing at me.)

Hopefully we won't have some kind of butterfly effect thing where the sale of the house hinges on the color in the kitchen. But then again, you never know.

So I'll be praying about that too.

xoxox

Less is More

2010-03-01T15:16:00.000-08:00

From Proverbs 1:19:

When you grab all you can get, that's what happens:
the more you get, the less you are.

Because I've been painting rooms in my house (we're downsizing, so getting it ready to sell), I've been listening to things. I love lectures on TED. They're always interesting. And it fills my mind with good stuff, not the junk I would hear if I just listened to the radio or the tv.

Anyway, I caught Rick Warren's talk about what happened to him after he wrote "The Purpose Driven Life." This is the second time I'd heard it, and I was repeating it because I enjoyed it so much the first time.

Something he said really struck me. He was talking about all the money that quite literally poured in from the book, because the book was so successful. He said this: "Every time I give, it breaks the grip of materialism on my life."

I'd never thought of it that way. Giving what I have to others breaks the hold that wanting more has on my life.

Wow.

So it's true -- when you want more, when you grab for more, more, more, what ends up happening is that materialism has you imprisoned. The wanting of the stuff overshadows the person in you that God has created. And God's Spirit in you becomes less and less as you pursue more and more stuff, influence, power, position.

There's a line I love from a movie I saw once. The movie was "Black Widow -- and the quote was this: "Rich is funny. It's never quite enough."

Could that be a truer statement? Again, Rick Warren, "significance doesn't come from status, because you can always find somebody who's got more than you."

Less truly is more. When you're planning to sell a house, the less stuff you show off, the better it looks.

So Lord, thank you for bringing this concept home to me today. Room painted, and pun intended.

xoxox

You Talkin' to Me?

2010-02-28T09:54:00.000-08:00

From Proverbs 28:

⁹ God has no use for the prayers
of the people who won't listen to him.

Can't really argue with that.

xoxox

Go Jump in a Lake

2010-02-26T19:53:00.000-08:00

From Mark 11:

Jesus was matter-of-fact: "Embrace this God-life. Really embrace it, and nothing will be too much for you. This mountain, for instance: Just say, 'Go jump in the lake'—no shuffling or shilly-shallying—and it's as good as done. That's why I urge you to pray for absolutely everything, ranging from small to large. Include everything as you embrace this God-life, and you'll get God's everything. And when you assume the posture of prayer, remember that it's not all asking. If you have anything against someone, forgive—only then will your heavenly Father be inclined to also wipe your slate clean of sins."

Hunk O Man and I had a nice lunch today. We try and do that on Fridays when we can -- have that small bit of time to get back in touch after a busy week. Today was a little different, because we talked about our future, and ultimately what we want in life, our children, and generally the "big things."

Some of the things we discussed are just too much to expect. Too much in this economy, too much in terms our ages, too much in terms of human nature. But then it occurred to us -- don't we serve a God who made everything? And can do anything? Why not pray for the impossible, and just see what God does?

I love the way Jesus qualifies this bigger-than-regular-faith kind of prayer. We can't even begin to go to God until we've forgiven everyone and He's forgiven us. It's the amazing economy of God once again, building in the protection so we don't get spoiled.

So what does the future hold? Lots of praying -- not that mountains will jump into the sea, but rather that God will lead and we will have the good sense to follow. We'll see.

xoxox

What Color is Your Parachute, Bartimaeus?

2010-02-23T09:43:00.001-08:00

This is one of my favourite stories. But it's not because of the actual event as told in Mark 10 -- it's because I loved a song that I used to sing about it.

Here's the story of Bartimaeus: he was blind, begging on the side of the road going to Jericho. Jesus and His entourage were passing by, and pretty much all Bartimaeus heard was a big parade of people. So he started yelling -- "Son of David! Have mercy!" This is probably what every beggar was yelling that day on the Jericho road. Can you imagine the noise? People walking, people yelling, the crowd (which was pretty substantial by that time).

And then Jesus stops dead in his tracks, says "bring that guy, that particular one, over here." And then Jesus asks him what he wants. Bartimaeus says "I just want to see." So Jesus says "Ok. On your way. Your faith has saved you. You're healed."

Jesus healed a lot of people when He was here on earth. But why some and not others? It's probably got to do with faith -- He recognises Bartimaeus' faith, and that's why He heals him. Since begging by the roadside was pretty much a career, you had to be open to new career choices if you were going to be healed. This may have had something to do with why not everyone ended up getting healed.

But I digress. The song is what I loved, because it made Bartimaeus a real person for me. Here's the chorus:

Bartimaeus, there's no

need to be afraid of someone you can't see,

when you know He can bring you sight

And we, your blind brothers, well, we

We too have discovered

When you turn to Him,

He turns then

And in Him you'll find life.

(from "Bartimaeus" by Rich Mullins)

So quit that dumb job, Bartimaeus. Your possibilities are endless.

xoxox

The Difficult and the Certain

2010-02-22T08:15:00.000-08:00

From Mark 9, a challenge --
"So you want first place? Then take the last place. Be the servant of all."
But then a bit of reassurance:
²³Jesus said, "If? There are no 'ifs' among believers. Anything can happen."
Nice to know all the bases are covered. : )
xoxox

How to Be Godly 101

2010-02-18T13:13:00.000-08:00

^{From Mark 7:5

The Pharisees and religion scholars asked, "Why do your disciples flout the rules, showing up at meals without washing their hands?"

From the Wesner House, on or around 7/5:

ThePharisees Hunk O Man and religion scholars Mama asked, "Why do your disciples you kids flout the rules, showing up at meals without washing their your hands?"

xoxox}

I Can't Get No Respect

2010-02-17T17:44:00.000-08:00

I read this today, from Mark 6 (The Message):

^1-2 He left there and returned to his hometown. His disciples came along. On the Sabbath, he gave a lecture in the meeting place. He made a real hit, impressing everyone. "We had no idea he was this good!" they said. "How did he get so wise all of a sudden, get such ability?"

³But in the next breath they were cutting him down: "He's just a carpenter—Mary's boy. We've known him since he was a kid. We know his brothers, James, Justus, Jude, and Simon, and his sisters. Who does he think he is?" They tripped over what little they knew about him and fell, sprawling. And they never got any further.

^4-6Jesus told them, "A prophet has little honor in his hometown, among his relatives, on the streets he played in as a child." Jesus wasn't able to do much of anything there—he laid hands on a few sick people and healed them, that's all. He couldn't get over their stubbornness.

I've read this probably 50 times in my life. It has rung true in my heart numerous times, because my extended family thinks I'm still that brash 17-year old that thinks 1-that I know everything, and 2-that I can do anything. Your family never really lets you grow up.

But it struck me differently this time. I think it's because of part the conversation I heard the other day, when I was eavesdropping. It went something like this:

Hunk O Man: Your mom's pretty smart.
JB: Well, she's not that smart.
Hunk O Man: What do you mean?
JB: She doesn't know stuff. She just knows how to Google stuff.

I was a tiny bit offended when I heard this. But seriously, just a tiny bit. Not much at all really, considering the source. Kids never think their parents know all that much.

I base this opinion on personal experience, of course. As a kid.

Things are different now. I'm an adult, and a parent. Since I've gone back to school, I've gotten a lot of accolades about the way I write. I've gotten straight A's. I watch Jeopardy all the time, and usually get the answers (except when it's literature -- I never seem to know who wrote what obscure book). I love trivia and I love to learn. I think there's something to be said for knowing when you don't know -- and knowing how to find the answer.

And my family relies on me to know most things -- the locations of their stuff, the times of their events, the status of the pantry and freezer, and generally what's for dinner and whether or not I've washed a load of towels.

But when it comes to me really knowing anything, apparently I'm just a Googler.

This makes me laugh, because I'm in such good company. Right there with Jesus.

We just don't get any respect. And Rodney Dangerfield ain't got no grammar, either. ; )

xoxox

I'd Like to Make a Motion

2010-02-16T20:41:00.000-08:00

From Proverbs 16 --

Make your motions and cast your votes,
but God has the final say.

Today, I'd like to make a motion: how about we go back to flip-flops and shorts weather? Be done with all this cold and snow and freezing rain?

My vote goes for sunshine and 65-70 degree weather.

Too bad I'm only one vote. But . . . I know the One who controls the weather, so I have an in. Heh heh heh!

xoxox

Eavesdropping

2010-02-13T10:36:00.000-08:00

I am guilty of eavesdropping. If this were a crime, I'd have been in jail for a long time.

I love it mainly because it's like being the mouse in the corner. You get all the information and enjoyment of the moment without having to participate. Right now, Hunk O Man is out in the kitchen, talking with JB about his Dad. They're having one of those moments when it's just them, daddy and daughter, just talking.

And I get to be there without being there -- cause I can hear it all.

Eavesdropping is sort of a theme of my life. I have spent a lot of my life wanting all the benefits without having to do the work -- in essence, eavesdropping on a life in which I don't have to actively participate.

Well, life doesn't really work that way. While the idea of the thing is infinitely more attractive than the actual thing (in most cases), the thing requires your participation. And in the long run, those are the things that change you; they bump you and knock off parts and add more parts and completely alter who you started out as being.

Kind of like trying to walk through a very tight crowd. You get a bruised elbow, some ice cream on your shirt, gum on your shoe. And you started out looking so pretty.

So while eavesdropping is nice sometimes -- eventually you have to get into that crowd and get banged up. People usually like you better that way anyway. Plus, it's way more fun. Eavesdropping can get really boring after awhile. Nobody likes sitting on the sidelines for long.

So if you'll excuse me, I think I'll head into the kitchen and grab a cup of tea. I'll be crashing the daddy daughter moment -- but I'll get to turn it into a daddy-daughter-mama moment. Put me in, coach.

xoxoxox

Kids

2010-02-10T18:21:00.001-08:00

I miss my Rose.

She was the first to fly from the nest. And although we Skype all the time, it's not the same as seeing her drive in or passing her in the kitchen. I miss hearing that daily "Hi Mama."

She is one of the brightest jewels in my life. I am so proud of her. People love her everywhere she goes. She's kind, generous, sweet, smart, and gorgeous. I look at those eyes and that smile when we talk on Skype, and I just can't get over the fact that this incredible young woman is my daughter.

This morning, I read this from Mark 1:

^9-11At this time, Jesus came from Nazareth in Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan. The moment he came out of the water, he saw the sky split open and God's Spirit, looking like a dove, come down on him. Along with the Spirit, a voice: "You are my Son, chosen and marked by my love, pride of my life."

I think I know how God felt just then.

xoxoxox

In Search of The Theory of Everything

2010-02-07T18:58:00.001-08:00

I like to explore ideas about the origins of the universe. String theory, black holes, gravity -- they all hold great interest for me. I'm not exactly sure why. My mom just shakes her head.

And yes, I know I'm a total geek.

Geekiness aside, all these subjects make for some good thinking. I like to think about things. While Hunk O Man needs music or conversation while driving on a long trip, I can drive in total silence, just thinking.

Something occurred to me yesterday as I was getting out of the shower. It seems we keep backing up in our theories. By "backing up" I just mean that we explain a small thing, then a microscopic thing, then things we can't see at all, then things that are even smaller and theoretical, and even smaller things that can only be proven mathematically. String theory seems to be at the base of all the small things. Currently, it's the most popular way to explain what makes up everything in the universe.

Nice theory. Except, what makes up the strings? Well, that's a long explanation having to do with scientific things that you don't really care about.

And in light of this, an idea occurred to me: what if asking what strings are made of isn't the right question? What if "what is the origin of the universe?" is the wrong question?

I realise that I'm coming from a fundamental viewpoint of God having created the world. So for me, that begs the question -- what is the right question to ask?

All I can come up with so far is simply this question -- "God, who are You?"

The nice thing is that I can pursue that question to no end, and I know how to do it. I don't need to know high-level mathematics and I don't have to be Einstein. I just need to know how to read a bible and how to pray. The God of the universe will allow me to know what I am capable of knowing. And exploring a relationship is infinitely easier than exploring a theory.

And isn't it just like God to make it that simple?

I Corinthians 1:18-20 (NIV):

¹⁹For it is written:
"I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;
the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate."

²⁰Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?

Dear God,

Who are you? I really want to know.

Love,

jen

xoxoxox

Sheep and Goats

2010-02-04T21:33:00.000-08:00

I was hungry and you fed me,

I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,

I was homeless and you gave me a room,

I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
I was sick and you stopped to visit,
I was in prison and you came to me.'

I just read that from Matthew 25:34-36 (The Message). It's what Jesus is going to say to the faithful who get into heaven.

Interesting that I should read this today, considering my feelings about Haiti. I have a problem with pretty much the entire "help save Haiti after the earthquake" trend.

And I call it a trend because these days it's quite fashionable to be charitable and noble. It's like the latest style that some people put on and then take off when they don't like it anymore, or it no longer serves them.

I watched some of the telethon for Haiti. All these celebrities got up and asked us to do our part and donate money. Honestly, that irritates me to no end. If the celebrities doing the asking were to pool their own personal resources, they could probably fund the entire effort of the Red Cross in Haiti. If nothing else, they could certainly clean it all up. If you make $10 million for one movie, please don't stand there and tell me that you can't do it without my $20.

They stand and ask us to donate because it is fashionable to do so. They look great doing it, too. I just have one question: where were they before the earthquake hit? How many children do they sponsor through Compassion International or some equivalent organization? How much of their money went into the building up of the Haitian economy?

Don't get me wrong here; I know full well that I'm being very judgmental of people that I do not know personally. Many of them gone to great lengths to draw attention to atrocities, refugees, hunger, and other woes of our world. Others have represented charities to bring attention to the needs of others. It's not like they're all bad people.

I also realise that "rich" is a relative term. In America, we are the richest society in the world. Even our poorest usually have it better than those in third world countries.

But these celebrities are extraordinarily wealthy people, asking for money from a nation of families in a recession. People in the US have lost jobs, lost houses, lost retirement funds. What else needs to be said here? The inequity is more than obvious. So is the hypocrisy.

And the truth is that God puts situations and people in front of us so that we can serve them in whatever way possible. There are women from my church who were in Haiti when the earthquake happened -- God put them there specifically so that they could serve the Haitian people in that crisis.

God put me right here in my neighborhood, in the public school classroom this week, in my church, in my community. I live in one of the poorest counties in North Carolina. There are people to feed here, people who need a drink, a room, a coat, a visit in the hospital, encouragement in prison. These are the ones to whom God wants me to minister. Otherwise, I'd be in Haiti, or Somalia, or Rwanda, or Afghanistan, or Chechnya.

We do what we can when we are compelled by the Holy Spirit. I sponsor Rose Myrtha Brutus in Haiti. She is 7 years old. I haven't even heard yet whether or not she's even alive. I'm donating things I've made to another "help Haiti" effort. But I don't do this because it's fashionable or because it makes me look good.

I do it because I must. Because I belong to God, and He said do it. And I need better ears and a better, quicker response to the things He has called me to do.

To obey is better than sacrifice, and it accomplishes far more in God's kingdom. I can donate all the money in the world to the Haitian effort -- but if I don't take care of the people in front of me, I'm not doing what God said to do.

So let me encourage you to look a little closer at the forest and see the trees. I'm trying to narrow my vision rather than broaden it. There is so much to be done that is right here, in my small town, in North Carolina -- far, far from Haiti. Obey God, love others, serve faithfully, walk humbly. It's a high calling indeed, no matter where we live.

xoxoxox

Junk, Stuff, Things

2010-02-03T12:06:00.000-08:00

Hunk O Man and I were sitting the other night talking about house insurance. He wants to switch our car and house policies to one company, so we'll get the discount.

So he's rattling off numbers to me, and we're discussing just how much it would cost to replace this house and its contents. It was a daunting idea, that a fire could start or a tornado could come and everything might be gone in an afternoon. And the idea that money could replace it all -- what about photo albums? CD's with financial information and photos and keepsake clothing from the girls' infancies? What about trinkets that are dear to us because someone gave them to us? What about all the personal information on our laptops? What about my favourite ice cream scoop? What about (gasp!) my sewing machine?

I read this passage from Matthew 24 this morning:

Jesus then left the Temple. As he walked away, his disciples pointed out how very impressive the Temple architecture was. Jesus said, "You're not impressed by all this sheer size, are you? The truth of the matter is that there's not a stone in that building that is not going to end up in a pile of rubble."

I've said for years that stuff doesn't matter, because it's all going to burn. I've said this primarily because I have several brothers and sisters, and I have parents who have a lot of stuff. When they die, I am determined that I will not get into some kind of tug-o-war with them over anything. It's all stuff, and it's all gonna burn.

That's a stark difference from my own stuff burning. I have to admit, I would grieve the loss of my things. Lots of it could be replaced -- but lots of it couldn't. It would survive only in my memory.

And really, isn't that the point? All this stuff does is serve to remind us of a precious time or person. And we have that anyway. Stuff is like icing on the cake.

When I lived in southern California, I always said that my children were my riches. Stuff is nice, and it makes life more comfortable. But people are what matter, because people are what is going to last into eternity.

Lord, please enable me to put people ahead of stuff. Even if it's my sewing machine. Amen.

xoxoxox

It's Been Awhile

2010-01-29T12:35:00.000-08:00

I just read that previous post and can't believe its timing. I just found someone today who is one of my oldest friends from childhood. And that experience is indeed like a fresh, cool drink of water.

My absence in posting has been due to several things -- not the least of which has been the holidays, getting kids off to college, finishing a semester of college myself (and beginning the next), and then the regular everyday stuff. I have been struggling to keep up, and this wonderful opportunity to write temporarily went by the wayside.

But I do love writing, and especially writing here. So briefly -- I'm back!

xoxox

Hello There, Old Friend

2009-11-25T15:01:00.000-08:00

^{From Proverbs 25 --

25} Like a cool drink of water when you're worn out and weary
is a letter from a long-lost friend.

Do you use Facebook? I've found so many friends, from high school, college, places I used to work and live. Hearing from them is just like that -- a cool drink when you're worn out.

God sure knew how to sum up concisely.

xoxox

2009-11-16T12:35:00.000-08:00

^11-12"The person who lives in right relationship with God does it by embracing what God arranges for him. . . Rule-keeping does not naturally evolve into living by faith, but only perpetuates itself in more and more rule-keeping, a fact observed in Scripture: "The one who does these things [rule-keeping] continues to live by them."

Galatians 3:11-1

That just about says it, doesn't it?

You just can't work your way into God's good graces.

Amen!

xoxox

Spies

2009-11-09T19:50:00.001-08:00

Ever heard that song "Be Careful Little Eyes What You See?" It's an old Sunday school song taught to children.

Honestly, I've always hated that song. It communicates so much pressure to be perfect. No wonder kids are neurotic sometimes.

But then again -- it is important to remember that people are looking to us Christians as an example. They judge God by the way we behave --

From 2 Corinthians 6:1-10 --

Our work as God's servants gets validated—or not—in the details. People are watching us as we stay at our post, alertly, unswervingly . . . in hard times, tough times, bad times; when we're beaten up, jailed, and mobbed; working hard, working late, working without eating; with pure heart, clear head, steady hand; in gentleness, holiness, and honest love; when we're telling the truth, and when God's showing his power; when we're doing our best setting things right; when we're praised, and when we're blamed; slandered, and honored; true to our word, though distrusted; ignored by the world, but recognized by God; terrifically alive, though rumored to be dead; beaten within an inch of our lives, but refusing to die; immersed in tears, yet always filled with deep joy; living on handouts, yet enriching many; having nothing, having it all.

So no matter what we do, or when, or how -- we must take care. It's a lot to handle and a high standard -- but then again, the One who set the standard is the one who enables us to do it. And not only that, but even gives us our next breath.

In, and out. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Aaah. And the next one comes from the God that loves us more than anything in the world, and more than anyone else ever could.

xoxox

Pending Disaster

2009-11-08T22:56:00.000-08:00

^{I was just watching a special on Discovery tonight. It was all about 2012 and the possible disasters that may follow. Then I went to catch up on my bible reading and I came across this:

2 Cor 4 --}

^16-18So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever.

It certainly is nice to know who's in charge of the world!

xoxoxox

The Weight of Glory

2009-11-05T08:09:00.000-08:00

From I Corinthians 18:

35-38
Some skeptic is sure to ask, "Show me how resurrection works. Give me a diagram; draw me a picture. What does this 'resurrection body' look like?" If you look at this question closely, you realize how absurd it is. There are no diagrams for this kind of thing. We do have a parallel experience in gardening. You plant a "dead" seed; soon there is a flourishing plant. There is no visual likeness between seed and plant. You could never guess what a tomato would look like by looking at a tomato seed. What we plant in the soil and what grows out of it don't look anything alike. The dead body that we bury in the ground and the resurrection body that comes from it will be dramatically different.

⁵¹But let me tell you something wonderful, a mystery I'll probably never fully understand. We're not all going to die—but we are all going to be changed.

I read this today, and thought of the other night when I was up late. I'd been working, and I got hot. So I went outside to cool off.

It was a gorgeous night, very clear and cool although not really cold. The breeze was wonderful; very refreshing. I looked up, and the stars were shining like Christmas ornaments. Not the usual brightness that just shines, but a twinkling light that was blue, then red, then green, then white, then blue -- in no particular pattern, just always different. It seems like all the "big" stars did that, while others just shone white. I kept saying "diamonds, they're diamonds in the sky" over and over, marvelling.

I stood there and thanked God for his beautiful creation. Along with the stars was all the green in my yard -- the grass, the trees, the flowers, the herbs. It's just a regular yard, nothing special or even terribly organised. But does it really have to be? God's creation is at its most beautiful when it is at its wildest. Perfect landscaping is wonderful for a yard, but it can't hold a candle to an entire field full of lavender that just volunteered.

As I stood there thanking God for this, I remembered that C.S. Lewis was always reminding of what Paul told us: that this world, this life, is just a poor reflection of the life and world that is to come. Easy to say -- difficult to imagine. The key is to remember that we're not talking about some fictional idea. It's a real place, in a real location, where real beings live. And I'm looking forward to being there as I have never longed for a place in my life.

I'll leave you today with another favourite quote from C.S. Lewis in "The Weight of Glory:

"It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you may talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and corruption such as you now meet if at all only in a nightmare. . . There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations--these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit--immortal horrors or everlasting splendours."

xoxox

Patterns and Fractals

2009-11-04T08:29:00.001-08:00

As most of you who regularly read this know, I'm a full-time student now. One of my classes is Biology I.

This class has nearly killed me. But, I'm getting pretty close to an A, so I suppose death by Biology has its rewards. Hunk O Man is fond of saying "there's no one more motivated than a 50-year old college student."

This Bio class is a "hybrid," meaning simply this: you have to teach yourself. Most of it is offered online; we only meet once a month to take exams and hand in homework. If I didn't meet with a study group and do the labs, I'd be completely lost. This is not the kind of stuff you can always figure out on your own.

One of the assignments we regularly have is to go to the computer lab and either watch a DVD or a powerpoint presentation that addresses the current chapter. So yesterday, I decided to get all of them done for this particular set of chapters. And one was a DVD, about 30 minutes long, about cancer. We've learned all about cells -- now we're onto how the cells divide and grow, and why.

So I'm sitting in this tiny little room, alone, watching this DVD about cancer. There's a guy on it who's an expert, and who is also expert at putting everything into very plain language. He was talking about cancer cells, and how they work.

So he brought up some natural defenses we have in our bodies, called tumor-suppressor genes, which act like an emergency brake on the cancer cells. He also talked about how the cells in our body work together to accomplish a task, like building and maintaining a tissue, or organ. There's no central government telling them how to build, but each has DNA -- a copy of the blueprint -- and each one does their job.

Cancer cells, however, don't work according to the blueprint. They go off and do their own thing, running rampant in a chaotic way.

And something kind of ding went off in my mind --

Interesting thought: when sin came into the world, it may have been environmental. Adam and Eve were created sinless, and we know that sin is "passed down," i.e., we are born into sin, as Paul states. But what if sin was introduced into the world as something in our environment -- at a cellular or molecular level (or even smaller, probably) -- which got into us when we had to eat, or touch something? Once we did that, some cells broke off and did their own thing. We began to die, because death is the result of sin. We slowly break down and crumble back into the stuff of which we're made -- and maybe sooner if we get cancer.

Are you seeing the pattern here that I saw? God creates the world, then people mess it up. God creates our cells, then cancer screws them up. The bad stuff was always there, but it wasn't allowed in until we invited it, foolish folk that we all are.

In the end, it's all just the effects of sin, and going against God. But I love the way He reveals these little things everywhere. I like to play seek-and-find games on my computer. But it's even better when I'm playing them with God, and He shows me a pattern like this.

xoxox

It's Not a Contest

2009-10-28T08:23:00.000-07:00

^{From Romans 12:}

^9-10Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.

^11-13Don't burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality.

^14-16Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they're happy; share tears when they're down. Get along with each other; don't be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don't be the great somebody.

^17-19Don't hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you've got it in you, get along with everybody. Don't insist on getting even; that's not for you to do. "I'll do the judging," says God. "I'll take care of it."

^20-21Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he's thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness. Don't let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good.

Yesterday, I missed reading my bible because I slept all day -- jetlag. My mini-vacation in California caught up with me. This happens a lot (not the jetlag); I'll miss a day and then pick up reading the next day.

However, As Hunk O Man puts it, "It's not a competition, Hon. Nobody's keeping track." I tend to become so OCD that I think I have to go back and read it all -- but he's right, it's not a competition. The idea is to spend some time in the Word each day, not make some kind of requirement to read it all no matter what.

So I noticed that today was Romans 14 & 15. I pulled it up, and realized that I'd missed Romans 12 from yesterday. Romans 12 is one of my favourite passages. So, I went to yesterday and pulled that up.

What a treat. I got what you read above -- and what encouragement it is!

I have this emailed to me each day. I never read my bible when I had to pick it up and do it. But this makes it so easy!

Here's a link if you'd like to do the same: BiblePlan

The moral of this story, today, for me -- once in awhile, it's good to go back and catch what you missed, if possible. It might be a blessing you could use.

xoxoxox

Everybody Needs One

2009-10-26T13:56:00.000-07:00

A mini-vacation, that is. I've just spent the weekend in Sacramento thanks to Karen, my wonderful, wonderful friend. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I enjoyed her company. We went to Lake Tahoe and ate more food than two humans should be allowed. I took in the gorgeousness of the lake. We went wine-tasting in a county just north of Napa. We shopped in tourist towns, and she told me all about the gold rush and its history.

It was all the best part. But the bestest of the best part was worship at Rolling Rock Christian Church in El Dorado Hills, CA. Rich, wonderfully done, fabulous worship where I could really enter into the presence of God.

With my friend Karen. Wow. It simply does not get much better than that!

I am refreshed. Both mind and spirit.

Everybody needs that. Now it's Hunk O Man's turn. I'm going to force him.

xoxoxox

Sometimes It is Difficult

2009-10-16T21:13:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it's hard to say you're sorry, especially when you think you're right.

And life just flat isn't fair. It almost never is. I wonder sometimes if there is any justice to be found.

However.

What is pride, anyway? What is refusing to apologise going to accomplish in the long run, even if it isn't fair or just?

Isn't it just going to separate me from the one who has wronged me? How ridiculous is that?

When I think about pride this way, I throw it right where it belongs -- back to the pit of hell from where it came. Pride isn't just bad behaviour. It's just plain stupid.

Lord God, please enable me to see with your eyes, past the injustice and unfairness, and throw off my pride for the unnecessary baggage it is. What is this thing anyway, and why am I carrying it around? I've been foolish Lord -- enable me to be wise. Thank you for Jesus and His amazing sacrifice that gives me your forgiveness -- Amen.

xoxox

Being Wise

2009-10-14T07:44:00.000-07:00

^{Proverbs 14:24}

The wise accumulate wisdom;
fools get stupider by the day.

Interesting idea, isn't it? Becoming wise is cumulative -- you get a little, you keep it. You get a little more, it goes on top of what you already have.

Being foolish, however, just gets you dumber and dumber.

No wonder wisdom is priceless. Knowing that is the first place to start.

xoxox

I just, I just,

2009-10-13T00:06:00.001-07:00

I just can't keep up. I'm still here but barely keeping my head above water. God is still good and if there's anything I can be praying for you, please let me know. Prayer doesn't add any stress -- it relieves it!

xoxoxox

Real Life Calls for Real Solutions

2009-09-28T15:19:00.000-07:00

The stress is getting to me. I think I need a new drug.

Honestly, just to say that gives me pause. Are we a society now that solves our self-control problems with drugs? I hope not. There is a lot to be said for the gift of self-control. Paul talks about it in Galatians 5:

²²But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. ²⁴Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. ²⁵Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. (NIV)

Let me just say this: crucifying the old self is a little tougher than it looks. I read that passage above, and I notice that love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness all come before self-control. Honestly, I think it would be a whole lot easier to be self-controlled if I had all that other stuff going on.

We live in a world now where the idea of being bipolar is generic for "I can't control my shopping, " or "I can't control my temper." You know what? I can't control my temper either. I don't seem to have the built-in mechanism to be able to see when the stress of a situation is building, and then walk away. I truly believe there are good reasons for people to be taking antidepressants and mood stabilizers. Honestly, I think I am a walking advertisement for them.

And then again, at least for me, I think I have to take some responsibility for being self-controlled. The gifts of the Spirit do not usually come packaged in a little pill. The pill might make it infinitely easier to be self-controlled, but in real life you have to do a little more than depend on medication to make your life all better.

So today my kitchen was a colossal mess yet again, because those in my family aren't doing their jobs -- and we all have families like that at times. My solution? Clean it up. Then take out all the dishes and throw them against the brick wall of the house. No dishes = no dirty dishes to keep the kitchen an endless mess.

OK, before you think that's a bit extreme, let me give you this caveat: they were Dollar Store dishes, all chipped, and the total cost for them all was probably only about $20. My feeling was that it was cheaper than therapy. And also I have more dishes in the house that can be used; they're just put away.

I gotta tell you, throwing those dishes against that brick wall sure did feel good. And it sure did relieve some stress.

So we all have our ways of coping. Some people get ulcers, some withdraw, some even commit suicide. Some depend on medications, some altogether too much. Me, I throw dishes. Well, at least I threw them today. I thought it was a pretty creative solution, to be truthful. Anybody need some broken pottery for a mosaic?

xoxoxox

The Volunteers

2009-09-21T16:34:00.000-07:00

The Pale Reflection of What Is to Come

2009-09-20T12:03:00.000-07:00

Today, I'm reminded, from Luke 11 -- the very words of Jesus --

"Your eye is a lamp, lighting up your whole body. If you live wide-eyed in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a dank cellar. Keep your eyes open, your lamp burning, so you don't get musty and murky. Keep your life as well-lighted as your best-lighted room."

I keep thinking of some words from a song I love, called "Here in America" by Rich Mullins:

"There's so much beauty around us, and just two eyes to see -- and everywhere I go, I'm looking."

I drive on Highway 158 from Roanoke Rapids to Littleton, and I see lots of gold flowers just dotted along the roadside. It's as if God sprinkled the landscape with them, as if God said "Who wants to be on beauty duty today?" and they volunteered.

Earlier this year, while vacationing in Indiana, I saw the same kind of thing with wild daylilies. Even the vegetation says "Here, I can do that -- "

You don't really have to even try to see all this around you. You just have to look. The pity is only have two eyes to take it all in.

xoxox

The Truth Hurts. A Lot, Sometimes.

2009-09-17T13:17:00.000-07:00

I just read this -- from Luke 6, The Message --

^22-23"Count yourself blessed every time someone cuts you down or throws you out, every time someone smears or blackens your name to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and that that person is uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—skip like a lamb, if you like!—for even though they don't like it, I do . . . and all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company; my preachers and witnesses have always been treated like this.

I've had plenty of my share of this going on throughout my life. Probably the time I remember best was sitting at a table in a study hall, when I was in high school.

More recently, I asked someone about their relationship with God, via Facebook -- and got attacked from every side from this person's friends, who felt I had asked an inappropriate question in an inappropriate way. They weren't just harsh in their criticism of what I had asked. They were sarcastic, just plain mean, and they made fun of me. Kind of like high school all over again -- or maybe grade school.

Most recently, I've been having a conversation with a close family member about a life situation. And as usual, I ended up swinging the truth around like some kind of bludgeoning club. I didn't mean to do that -- I had been trying to be gentle all along.

But the truth sometimes is a big thing and hard to handle. When I start quoting statistics of real life, or I start listing the real lives of people as examples, the truth can start to loom up and knock even me -- the one who's speaking it -- down.

Needless to say, I have not been skipping around like a lamb. I have felt like dirt (or less). I have felt defeated, and belittled, and stupid and just plain wrong. I have felt as if I should just keep my opinions to myself. I have felt like a big, fat troublemaker that everyone else wishes would just go away and leave them alone.

But when I read this passage, I was encouraged. Leave it to Jesus, huh? I am smiling when I read that all heaven rejoices when the truth is put out there. I am encouraged that I am in good company. When Hunk O Man once asked me why I was such a pessimist, I reminded him that Jeremiah the Prophet was probably no picnic to be around either. (I have the spiritual gift of prophecy -- essentially "truth telling" in the present day).

Let me be clear here -- God has not called me to be a pessimist or to go around beating people over the head with truth. The Bible and God's Word are not weapons that we use to hurt people. I have to check and recheck my motives with God on a second-by-second basis. Truth spoken without love is simply brutality.

But the truth spoken in love is not just a big help -- it is life itself. It's like somebody stuck you with an IV of medicine; the stick hurts, but the medicine makes you well.

It is easy to get overwhelmed with the reactions of people around us, especially when they don't like what we're saying. It's very easy for me to just get my feelings hurt. It is difficult for me personally to remember that it's the truth they don't like, not me. They are not shooting at the messenger -- I'm just in the way.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, Lover of my soul -- for this encouragement today. You know how much I needed it.

xoxoxox

Well Then, a Fit of Temper and a Rant with a Side of Humility.

2009-09-06T21:49:00.000-07:00

OK, so I had a rotten day at church. Actually, it was more because I had a rotten attitude.

Being at church is what you make of it.

Sadly, today, I was in a complaining mood, so it's my own danged fault that I had a rotten day. The music and worship didn't suit me, the special music seemed mismatched between fabulous singer and great song. But the thing that really got me was communion.

I think it's a southern thing. Or maybe I just have some issues.

For me, communion is actually sacred. Seriously -- I think that the Catholics may have it right on this one. While I differ greatly with them on many doctrinal issues, I think communion is one area that they do well.

This is a sacred time between me and God. Give me dimmed lights! Give me soft music, if any! And certainly no whispering, thank you so much. I just have a big problem with all the environmental stuff distracting me.

While I was in college the first time, I attended a church where communion was served at little knee-high tables. There was one big cup and one tray of the little plastic ones (in case you were germaphobic or had a cold), and the bread was all homemade. There were four or five of these tables around the room. When it was time for communion, you had to get up and go to the tables. Often you had to stand in line. Also often, there were people going out into the lobby to talk about conflicts, and resolve issues. Communion was serious business; you didn't dare take it unless you had forgiven your neighbor.

Of course, this was the late 70's and we were all sort of the Christian Hell's Angels of the local bible college. "Rebels with a Cause," as it were -- and certainly doing things like a bunch of hippies. However . . . there was a sincerity and authenticity to it that I have never found since.

I've had communion all sorts of ways -- go get it, have it passed, take it individually, take it as it's passed, everybody wait and take it all at once. Lights up, lights down. No music, soft music, or currently, lovely piano arrangement of a wonderful hymn done concert style. Obviously I prefer it one way over another. And sadly (well, sadly for me!) any number of the ways I prefer is not the way it is done at my church.

So since I have unresolved issues with my teenagers at present, I let the communion plate pass right by. I take God seriously when He says not to eat or drink in a way that dishonours Him. When I haven't resolved a conflict with my neighbor, or my daughter, or any other family member, or someone in my community -- I have no business taking communion and remembering the forgiveness that has been so generously offered to me.

In a word, or two -- I just need to get over myself and my pride and say sorry and move on.

Now I don't say all this to imply that people at our church don't take communion seriously. They do; our communion meditations are usually very thought-provoking and good. Sometimes they are even little mini-sermons.

I think the main difference here between someone who doesn't have a complaint about communion and me, who does, is simply the fact that I'm so ADD that I can't concentrate with a bunch of stuff going on.

I wish my church was more open to change, and I seriously wish some of those changes would involve a Worship Minister and some dimmed lights and soft music at communion. But as my mama always says, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

There is so much right with my church -- the people, for example -- the actual church. If only a little tweaking weren't such a threat, and always met with "but we've always done it this way." Obviously I feel less than free to suggest that we try any of this light-dimming or toning down of the piano music.

Oh well. It's not up to me and I am not any kind of authority on the subject. I just know what I like.

Rant's over, move along, nothing to see here. Hopefully next week will be better -- hopefully I will be better, because whether or not I appreciate church on Sunday is up to one person:

me.

xoxoxox

Let Me Entertain You

2009-09-04T09:06:00.001-07:00

. . . with a YouTube clip from Steve Harvey. This is great.

BTW, I've truly had the week from hell. School projects, sewing projects for the local theater, coupons to cut and use, and that disease thing that's affecting all the teenagers lately and starting WW10 at my house. Sorry I've been gone! I promise I'm back!

xoxoxox

Presenting Charlotte

2009-08-26T04:54:00.001-07:00

The newest member of our family. I know -- ewwwwughgh! Believe me, I'm right there with ya.

Apparently she's gotten a perm with all that curly web.

xoxox

It's Been a Busy Week

2009-08-25T21:34:00.001-07:00

And it just keeps getting busier. I wish I had some deep spiritual insight to share with you, but really, all I can come up with is this, which I hope at least entertains you. It's an excerpt from an email I wrote to my brother, who is a helicopter pilot currently serving in Iraq:

Out on the back porch, we have a spider. No big deal, right? Well, she first appeared in the skylight right above the steps down and out of the kitchen. Again, no big deal. EXCEPT . . . she is a rather large, Golden Orb spider. Not dangerous or anything, but she is about the size of a computer mouse when her legs are extended. She wove quite the web, and even had two egg sacs in it. We have kind of a symbiotic relationship with her, and we call her Charlotte. Charlotte eats the bugs that would fly into our house, and we let her live in the skylight. We saw her eating a horsefly the other day, and it was kind of gross and fascinating at the same time – like a car wreck. You can’t turn away but it’s wigging you out.

Recently, when we saw two egg sacs, we decided Charlotte should be relocated. Not that we’re prejudiced against arachnids or anything – we just thought that having a couple zillion spiders hatching from those eggs might be a bad idea for our back porch. So Hunk 'O Man took the egg sacs and put them in the herb garden. He moved Charlotte to the skylight that’s over above the guinea pig cage. It’s about 5 feet away.

Man oh man, was she ticked. She even looked ticked. Charlotte was decidedly NOT a happy camper. She crawled right out of the skylight (apparently it wasn’t clean enough for her), and set up shop on the ceiling of the porch. Now she has strung a web that reaches about 5 feet from the ceiling to the brick beside the kitchen window. This girl is not messing around. She’s going to have every bug between here and the Atlantic coastline caught in that colossal web. Yep, that’s our Charlotte.

xoxox

I'm Planning to Get Some Kind of a Plan.

2009-08-21T04:55:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 21:5: Careful planning puts you ahead in the long run; hurry and scurry puts you further behind.

How true are these words in everyday life? Yesterday, I stood at the doctor's office, trying to mentally picture a calendar of my life. I was trying to set a future appointment. I was failing miserably, and finally said, "Let's just say (this date), and I'll call you if I can do it sooner."

Mother of five, sewer, writer, cook, Indian Chief, bottle washer. I have fooled a whole lotta people into thinking that I have it all together.

Last night, Rose came home and came in to just say goodnight. She often does this and I treasure those conversations -- but we were talking about school, and she looked down at a little weekly calendar she'd sketched out.

I realised at this point that my kid is much smarter than I am.

A good friend told me recently "When you fail to plan, you plan to fail." God has been bringing those words home to me again and again. And since I'm on a schedule now, having become a full-time student as of Monday, I need a plan.

Hunk O Man is always asking me "What's the plan?" I usually reply with "How should I know?" I tell people that I have little idea what's happening with scheduling; I generally just get in the car.

This must stop and soon! I have papers due, projects to finish, places to be, coupons to clip, and then there's the laundry. This is to say nothing of the household budget.

I think I need a new iPod touch. Maybe I can ignore that household budget thing . . .

xoxoxox

YOU FOUND IT!

2009-08-13T11:58:00.000-07:00

A big HELLO AND WELCOME! to everyone who found this blog via the old site!

I hope this small change will make a big difference. Thanks for sticking with me!

lots of love,

jen
xoxoxoxox

On Being a Zillionaire

2009-08-11T09:24:00.000-07:00

From James2:12-13

Talk and act like a person expecting to be judged by the Rule that sets us free. For if you refuse to act kindly, you can hardly expect to be treated kindly. Kind mercy wins over harsh judgment every time.

If I had a nickle for every time I have judged instead of shown mercy, I'd be a multi-zillionaire. No kidding.

Just because you show mercy doesn't mean you overlook the problem. You can acknowledge wrongdoing without condoning -- or judging it.

Thank God His miracles are happening daily -- in your life and definitely in mine!

xoxox