Nope. Totally Serious.
This is what Hunk O Man has. He hates driving the van.
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Barbie has a very promising future as a comedian. She effortlessly entertains us with clever, hilarous observations. WE LOVE HER. We know you wish you had a Barbie too, but she's ours.
. . . just making it up as I go along.
THE BARBIE DIARIES
Barbie has a very promising future as a comedian. She effortlessly entertains us with clever, hilarous observations. WE LOVE HER. We know you wish you had a Barbie too, but she's ours.
THE BARBIE DIARIES
On the immediate future of an annoying bug:
Barbie: I am seriously gonna assassinize that fly.
Regarding the stature of a particular celebrity:
Barbie: I don't know. He's so --s0, frame-ular.
Discussing Jennifer Garner, who in the movie "Electra" isn't much of a girly girl:
Barbie: Well, you do know she was Electrica.
Replying to Bug, who is learning Japanese:
Bug: Arigato!
Barbie: Yeah, uh, Tamagotchi!
Barbie: I don't know. He's so --s0, frame-ular.
Discussing Jennifer Garner, who in the movie "Electra" isn't much of a girly girl:
Barbie: Well, you do know she was Electrica.
Replying to Bug, who is learning Japanese:
Bug: Arigato!
Barbie: Yeah, uh, Tamagotchi!
During a conversation one day, as Barbie was talking about a friend of hers:
Barbie: "So then she just looked at me, with that 'moose in the driveway' kind of look."
Me: "That what?"
Barbie: "You know. That moose-in-the-driveway look."
Me, stopping to think for a second: "Oooohhh! You mean the 'deer in the headlights' look?"
Barbie: "Yes! That's it.."
One night while I was working, the organizational work of Barbie once again:
Hunk O Man: Oh, it won't kill you not to have any ice cream tonight.
( he leaves the kitchen momentarily)
When he re-enters the kitchen -- all 5 girls are laying on the kitchen table and floor as if they've died.
Having saved her some dinner, which she ate after work:
Barbie: "Why'd you fix me green beans? I hate green beans."
Me: "Because you need some green in your diet."
Barbie: "I'm wearing green. That's all the green I need."
She was actually wearing a green polo shirt.
Regarding a pistol that had been passed on from Hunk O Man's father to him:
Barbie: "Dad, you really should get a newer gun. I mean, that one must be from the Rock Era or something.
Hunk O Man: "You mean the Stone Age?"
Barbie: "Rock Era, Stone Age -- whatever. It's all the same."
Regarding various things she is asked and has no idea what the answer is:
Barbie: "How should I know? What am I, a brainiologist?"
Heard while watching one of the "Superman" movies:
Barbie: "Look! It's the planet Crouton!"
Regarding the dangers of not using the crosswalk:
Barbie: "Dad, I don't think we should be streetwalkers like this."
Hunk O Man: "Honey, I think you mean jaywalkers."
We are shopping and I comment that the clothing looks a lot like it did when I was in junior high:
Barbie: "Mom, it's called retro. Next thing you know, my kids will be dressing like cowboys and indians."
Heard over the phone as the girls and Hunk O Man are crammed into a rental car, heading to the airport, right after Christmas:
Barbie: "Mama, we're squished in here like sushi!"
Remembering a Christmas Day spent in the ER:
Barbie: "Daddy, do you remember I was in the hospital once? I had ammonia."
Driving home from a family reunion, Hunk O Man and I are discussing the relatives we've seen. We are driving in a rural area:
Barbie: "Whatta buncha pigs!"
Me: "Barbie! We don't talk about our relatives like that!"
Barbie: "No, really, Mom. Look!"
I look out the window and we are driving past an actual hog farm -- with LOTS of pigs.
In the car, while passing by the Allen Funeral Home :
Barbie: "Oh, look. There's the Alien Funeral Home."
On global warming:
Barbie: "I'm telling you, if there's an ice age, I'm moving."
Having just seen the movie "Ice Age 3:"
Barbie: "Chasm of death? Is it chasm of death?"
JB: "Yes! I've told you a hundred times! Chasm of death!"
Barbie: "Well I don't . . I can't . . I don't have a good re-memory!"
On month-old birthday cake:
Barbie: "If I eat this, I'll probably choke, then die, then get cancer 5 years later."
Me: "Then don't eat it."
Barbie: "But I'm hungry!"
Me: "Then eat it!"
Barbie: "Mom. Told you.
Choke. Die. Cancer 5 years later."
Barbie: "So then she just looked at me, with that 'moose in the driveway' kind of look."
Me: "That what?"
Barbie: "You know. That moose-in-the-driveway look."
Me, stopping to think for a second: "Oooohhh! You mean the 'deer in the headlights' look?"
Barbie: "Yes! That's it.."
Hunk O Man: Oh, it won't kill you not to have any ice cream tonight.
( he leaves the kitchen momentarily)
When he re-enters the kitchen -- all 5 girls are laying on the kitchen table and floor as if they've died.
Having saved her some dinner, which she ate after work:
Barbie: "Why'd you fix me green beans? I hate green beans."
Me: "Because you need some green in your diet."
Barbie: "I'm wearing green. That's all the green I need."
She was actually wearing a green polo shirt.
Regarding a pistol that had been passed on from Hunk O Man's father to him:
Barbie: "Dad, you really should get a newer gun. I mean, that one must be from the Rock Era or something.
Hunk O Man: "You mean the Stone Age?"
Barbie: "Rock Era, Stone Age -- whatever. It's all the same."
Regarding various things she is asked and has no idea what the answer is:
Barbie: "How should I know? What am I, a brainiologist?"
Heard while watching one of the "Superman" movies:
Barbie: "Look! It's the planet Crouton!"
Regarding the dangers of not using the crosswalk:
Barbie: "Dad, I don't think we should be streetwalkers like this."
Hunk O Man: "Honey, I think you mean jaywalkers."
We are shopping and I comment that the clothing looks a lot like it did when I was in junior high:
Barbie: "Mom, it's called retro. Next thing you know, my kids will be dressing like cowboys and indians."
Heard over the phone as the girls and Hunk O Man are crammed into a rental car, heading to the airport, right after Christmas:
Barbie: "Mama, we're squished in here like sushi!"
Remembering a Christmas Day spent in the ER:
Barbie: "Daddy, do you remember I was in the hospital once? I had ammonia."
Driving home from a family reunion, Hunk O Man and I are discussing the relatives we've seen. We are driving in a rural area:
Barbie: "Whatta buncha pigs!"
Me: "Barbie! We don't talk about our relatives like that!"
Barbie: "No, really, Mom. Look!"
I look out the window and we are driving past an actual hog farm -- with LOTS of pigs.
In the car, while passing by the Allen Funeral Home :
Barbie: "Oh, look. There's the Alien Funeral Home."
On global warming:
Barbie: "I'm telling you, if there's an ice age, I'm moving."
Having just seen the movie "Ice Age 3:"
Barbie: "Chasm of death? Is it chasm of death?"
JB: "Yes! I've told you a hundred times! Chasm of death!"
Barbie: "Well I don't . . I can't . . I don't have a good re-memory!"
On month-old birthday cake:
Barbie: "If I eat this, I'll probably choke, then die, then get cancer 5 years later."
Me: "Then don't eat it."
Barbie: "But I'm hungry!"
Me: "Then eat it!"
Barbie: "Mom. Told you.
Choke. Die. Cancer 5 years later."
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About Me
Those Five Beauties O'Mine
I love funny bumperstickers. Those are great!
ReplyDeleteWe LOVE Andy Griffith! It's our sons favorite show. We don't have cable service (we refuse to pay for the trash that comes through it) but we do have some dvds that we purchased at Wally World. I'll probably have to replace them soon...they've just about worn them out!
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