Ollie Ollie In Come Free

I never liked the game of hide and seek.  It just got boring after awhile, when some of the players found really good spots and the fun of finding them was replaced with the boring and tedious task of never figuring out where they'd gone.  My attention span was never that long. 

So while I never much cared for the game, I do like to hide.  I do it all the time.  It has become my coping method of choice and habit.  I'm not sure it's really a good thing, either.

I don't hide, as some people do, behind an emotional or facial mask of content and happiness.  I actually hide -- I immerse myself in computer games, I go to my sewing room and work, or I just get away from the house, alone, and am by myself.  I don't answer my cell phone, and I don't tell people where I'm going.  Sometimes I just go to sleep.  I don't generally call my friends (although I am always happy to see them), I don't participate in group functions much.  I don't like retreats and conferences because of all the people and the schedule and feeling herded.

I quite literally hide, and I do not want to be found.

This frustrates my family on a regular basis.  They need me to be available to them.  But when I can't, when the stress level is just too high or I'm just too tired, or I've just had enough -- I have to get away.  Because I'm an introvert, this happens on a regular basis.  It frustrates my friends, too, who tend to think I don't care about them.  It's not that, truly.  It's just that being alone is far less work than to cope with everyone's personality.

I'd love to say that I haven't always been this way, but it's not true.  I have always been this way.  People are hard for me.  I want to please them, and I am continually frustrated by the fact that I disappoint them regularly.  I try, and then I default to my usual habits.  And I hate myself for failing them, so I hide.  My husband has always interpreted this as my lack of care about what others think of me.  In reality, it is quite the opposite.

Here is what Matthew 5:14-16 has to say about it:

¹⁴ “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. ¹⁵ Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. ¹⁶ In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Probably the most ironic thing about all this hiding I do is that most people around me will insist that I'm not an introvert at all.  They would readily say that I'm an extrovert.  I find this very funny, because I have effectively fooled them quite expertly.  


I fool them by hiding the way most people do - by putting on a face, an attitude, a general aura of happy well-being.  The trouble is that I can't keep it up for very long at all.  Depending on the day and how physically and emotionally rested I am, I can only keep this up for a few hours, maybe a day.  But that's it.  


Perhaps I should have been an actor.  I could have been rich.  Surely I have missed my true calling.


Well, here's the thing of it:  (I swear I'm going to have that engraved on my dad's grave; he says it all the time) -- 


God knows my name, He is infinitely patient, and He calls to me every minute of every day.  He says "Come out, Jenny.  I know you're in there.  You must trust Me."


How can I refuse Him?  I always venture out cautiously.  And then I wander away, fascinated by some thing or another, and end up in that same vicious cycle of disappointing people or hurting someone or getting hurt myself.  Sounds like regular life for most of us, doesn't it?


It is regular life.  And that is entirely beside the point.  Remember what Beaver said about Aslan?


"Safe?" said Mr. Beaver."Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you." 

Following the King isn't always a safe business; the King Himself isn't safe.  We get beaten up and hurt along the way.  We hurt others.  This isn't because we're bad people, or because we can't cope.  It's because we're human.  It is because we learn from failure as much as success.

And quite honestly, hiding doesn't fix it.  It just delays it for a bit.


So I am working on not hiding these days.  Being in the company of people who don't hide helps a lot.  In order to be with them, I have to come out of hiding.  It's ok to take a break every now and then.  But if I'm away for too long, my light goes out, and I might just as well have put it under a bowl in the first place.  And then there's all the trouble of finding a match or a lighter, and feeding it enough to get it burning brightly again -- with all that hassle, you'd think I wouldn't even have gone into hiding and let it go out in the first place.


So once again, I come out of hiding.  It is a tenuous business and I am afraid.  But I know He is the one who calls me out, and moreover, it is an amazing thing to be caught up in this thing that my friend Richard called "the reckless raging fury that they call the love of God."

Deep breath.  Here goes.


xoxoxox

I Like to Highlight the Really Good Parts

From Romans 11:

^33-36Have you ever come on anything quite like this extravagant generosity of God, this deep, deep wisdom? It's way over our heads. We'll never figure it out. 

   Is there anyone around who can explain God? 
   Anyone smart enough to tell him what to do? 
   Anyone who has done him such a huge favor 
      that God has to ask his advice? 

   Everything comes from him; 
   Everything happens through him; 
   Everything ends up in him. 
   Always glory! Always praise! 
      Yes. Yes! YES!

xoxoxox

Adding It All Up

I have friends who would probably ask this question from Romans 9.  In fact, I believe at some point I asked this question myself:
¹⁹Are you going to object, "So how can God blame us for anything since he's in charge of everything? If the big decisions are already made, what say do we have in it?"

Paul, in his usual "I'm not messing around here, folks, I used to be a Pharisee" kind of way answers that question this way:

 ^20-33Who in the world do you think you are to second-guess God? 

Oh!  Uh, good point.

He continues:

Do you for one moment suppose any of us knows enough to call God into question? 

Kind of puts things into perspective, doesn't it?

Clay doesn't talk back to the fingers that mold it, saying, "Why did you shape me like this?" Isn't it obvious that a potter has a perfect right to shape one lump of clay into a vase for holding flowers and another into a pot for cooking beans? If God needs one style of pottery especially designed to show his angry displeasure and another style carefully crafted to show his glorious goodness, isn't that all right? Either or both happens to Jews, but it also happens to the other people. 

I suppose the challenge here is simply to figure out what kind of pottery I am.  But Paul is right, whatever that is -- if I created it, I'd certainly be offended if it looked at me and questioned my decisions about what it was.

Hosea put it well: 

   I'll call nobodies and make them somebodies;
      I'll call the unloved and make them beloved.
   In the place where they yelled out, "You're nobody!"
      they're calling you "God's living children."

And this is wonderful proof of why God is decidedly not human in any way.  He takes the ones we'd consider unimportant and gives them a high position simply because they belong to Him.  

   Isaiah maintained this same emphasis:
   If each grain of sand on the seashore were numbered
      and the sum labeled "chosen of God,"
   They'd be numbers still, not names;
      salvation comes by personal selection.
   God doesn't count us; he calls us by name.
      Arithmetic is not his focus.

Nope, God is definitely not about math.  And it's a good thing (for me), because I'm terrible at it.  

We are not nameless faces in a long line.

We are not social security numbers.

We are not tax forms for the IRS to sort.

We are not annoyances caught in voicemail hell.

We are not children or people.  In my case, I'm Jenny.  God knows me personally.  He didn't create a person, or a child.  He created Jenny.  And He created you as well.

In a world where we treat one another as statistics and equations, it is wonderful to remember that the God to whom we belong see us as who we really are.  And we are priceless --

because He said so.

xoxoxox

Only Ten Things.

From Romans 4 -- (The Message) --

^4-5If you're a hard worker and do a good job, you deserve your pay; we don't call your wages a gift. But if you see that the job is too big for you, that it's something only God can do, and you trust him to do it—you could never do it for yourself no matter how hard and long you worked—well, that trusting-him-to-do-it is what gets you set right with God, by God. Sheer gift.

I read this just now and was reassured.  Believe me, I need to be reassured right now.  Here is why:

Around about late February/early March, Hunk O Man and I had decided it was time to put our house on the market. We'd spend Spring Break, the first week of April, doing the odd and end things to get it ready.  Then, April 12 we'd put it on the market.

So Rhonda called and said "I know it's not ready yet, but I have this couple who'd like to look at your house.  Do you think I could show it to them?"  This was the second week of March, a full month prior to the time we had planned to put it on the market.  Rhonda is not a pushy kind of gal; she is sweet and accommodating.  But we thought hey, why not?  So we cleaned it up and I staged it, and the couple saw the house.

And they loved it.

On March 22, we had a signed contract and a closing date of April 25.  But -- we had a lot to do.  I only had about 10 things to do.  The list went something like this:

1.  Re-screen the back porch.

2.  Write two research papers.

3.  Read "A Streetcar Named Desire" and write an essay on it.

4.  Paint the dining room.

5.  Write six more essays for final exams.

6.  Make two prom dresses.  Don't use a pattern, just design one as you go and copy the other from an existing dress.  Drive the 1.5 hours to Raleigh about 3 times for fabric and patterns and notions and more fabric.

7.  Pack up the entire house.

8.  Prime and paint the kitchen cabinets.  

9.  Put a door on the closet in Bug's room, paint Babydoll's room, touch up the peeling paint in the laundry room, paint all the wainscoting that ran (quite literally) everywhere in the house.

10.  Try not to lose my mind.

And you know what?  I prayed a lot, worked hard, and God made it all happen.  It all got done and everyone's mind, including mine, came out intact and functioning normally.  The job was clearly too big for us, and God got it done.  

So with such a fresh example in my head, why am I freaking out now?

Because the house we live in now is my favourite house of all the houses in which I've ever lived.  I LOVE this house.  But -- this house is on the market also.  It has been for over 2 years.  We agreed to an open, month-to-month lease because we thought we'd probably find another house.  

We had a showing on Wednesday (my birthday, no less!).  The a/c was broken and it was probably 90 degrees and 90% humidity in the house.  I picked it up but didn't really "clean" it -- too hot to run the sweeper!  I can stage a house and make it fabulous, and I didn't do that.

But -- the people loved the house.  And yesterday, I had to go back to God and ask "Really?  You would make me move 6 weeks after I moved into the house I absolutely love and you would do it on my birthday?  Really?"

Now let's just hang on a minute here, Jen.  Am I talking to the same God who enabled me to accomplish that list of the 10 things?  What is the matter with me?  What makes me think He would put me in such a position?

I hang my head as I realise this:  I had to get past the freaking out part before I could step into the trust.  I wish it were one easy motion.  But I am a horrible sinner and it is not one easy motion.  Of all those I could trust the most -- the One who has never failed me -- I seem to trust Him the least.  I know God, really know Him.  I know better than to not trust Him.

So He reassured me today with Romans 4.  Because He loves me, and doesn't want to give me too much, and He wants me to remember that He never will give me too much.  If I have to move again, there will be another list of 10 impossible things and He will get them accomplished, not me.  Or even just one impossible thing -- that I don't lose my mind and have to be sent to the nut house -- and God will still keep me sane.  

¹⁶This is why the fulfillment of God's promise depends entirely on trusting God and his way, and then simply embracing him and what he does. God's promise arrives as pure gift. 


When everything was hopeless, Abraham believed anyway, deciding to live not on the basis of what he saw he couldn't do but on what God said he would do.


The same thing gets said about us when we embrace and believe the One who brought Jesus to life when the conditions were equally hopeless. The sacrificed Jesus made us fit for God, set us right with God.


Promise, after promise, after promise.  I am thanking God today.

xoxox

It's Not a Contest

^{From Romans 12:}

^9-10Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.

^11-13Don't burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality.

^14-16Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they're happy; share tears when they're down. Get along with each other; don't be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don't be the great somebody.

^17-19Don't hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you've got it in you, get along with everybody. Don't insist on getting even; that's not for you to do. "I'll do the judging," says God. "I'll take care of it."

^20-21Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he's thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness. Don't let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good.

Yesterday, I missed reading my bible because I slept all day -- jetlag. My mini-vacation in California caught up with me. This happens a lot (not the jetlag); I'll miss a day and then pick up reading the next day.

However, As Hunk O Man puts it, "It's not a competition, Hon. Nobody's keeping track." I tend to become so OCD that I think I have to go back and read it all -- but he's right, it's not a competition. The idea is to spend some time in the Word each day, not make some kind of requirement to read it all no matter what.

So I noticed that today was Romans 14 & 15. I pulled it up, and realized that I'd missed Romans 12 from yesterday. Romans 12 is one of my favourite passages. So, I went to yesterday and pulled that up.

What a treat. I got what you read above -- and what encouragement it is!

I have this emailed to me each day. I never read my bible when I had to pick it up and do it. But this makes it so easy!

Here's a link if you'd like to do the same: BiblePlan

The moral of this story, today, for me -- once in awhile, it's good to go back and catch what you missed, if possible. It might be a blessing you could use.

xoxoxox

Entirely Too Busy

You know, that last chapter I read of Romans is a long list of Paul saying hello to various people. It reminds me of the fact that I haven't visited Ms. Myrtle in several weeks.

You know, I get so convicted when I don't 1-see people or talk to them on the phone or email them, and 2-pray for them. I am feeling pretty "holy spirit prickly" about Ms. Myrtle. I need to get over there. And I just got a call from what may be another best friend, Wanda, about walking with her just once a week. My mom is getting older, and I haven't seen her in almost 6 months. She lives 500 miles away -- but I miss her terribly. I haven't had Thursday morning coffe with Ms. Nancy in about a month.

I am missing my peeps.

I keep thinking about the fact that our lives are just a wisp of smoke in the entire scheme of things. Just a blink. They go so fast -- one look at my graduating high school twins reminds me rather painfully of that!

But people are eternal. When I lived in California, surrounded by all that material wealth, I used to remind myself that I had riches eternally in the souls of my five daughters. People don't end -- they go on and on to lives eternally. The question is only one of what the quality of that life will be: a life with or without the presence of God.

So the fact that people's lives here are brief and that they are infinitely more important than the "stuff" I have to do should be enough to get me out of this house and over to Ms. Myrtle's.

Gotta go. I need to call her right now.

xoxox

You're a Name, Not a Number

From Romans 9:

If each grain of sand on the seashore were numbered, and the sum labeled "chosen of God," they'd be numbers still, not names; salvation comes by personal selection. God doesn't count us; he calls us by name. Arithmetic is not his focus.

Paul is quote Isaiah here. Pretty cool that you're a name and not a number, huh?

xoxox

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, Good news!

From Romans 8 --

-17 This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?" God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what's coming to us—an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with him!

and my favourite part --

31-39 So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:

They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.
We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.

None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

Who says it better than God?

xoxox