Sorry, I Have No Idea. Actually, I Don't Work Here.

I often walk through a store (usually Wal-Mart, since that's pretty much all there is where I live) and pick up things.  I don't mean things to buy -- I mean things that have fallen on the floor.  I also put the clothing back on the racks when it's fallen down, and even put pieces of clothing with others of its kind when it's out of place.  I pick up trash and throw it away.  I pick up the odd things stuck in the checkout stands and give them to the cashier to put away.

I am just one amazingly conscientious person, aren't I?  Giving and generous with no thought to myself.

Wow, humble too.  I even amaze myself.

Did I mention that I often say to myself, "What is the matter with people these days?" and "Who works here, anyway?  Do they actually work?  Do they pay any attention to the way this store looks?  Well apparently not.  Jeesh, look at this place.  I don't even work here and I'm doing this."

I recently remembered an incident in my past.  A boyfriend at the time (who proved to be a complete jerk -- but apparently now is a pretty nice, good person) noticed a garden hose outside my apartment.  It had not been wound up and put away.  He asked why not.

To which I replied, "How should I know?  It's not my hose."

He then said "Well who cares whose hose it is?  Somebody should put it away!  And especially you if it isn't your hose!"

I then thought "gosh, what's the matter with me?"

I then thought "who does he think he is, anyway?"

Well, even though he and I and pretty much everyone I knew at the time who was my age were all jerks, he was right.  I should have been even more concerned about that hose because it didn't belong to me.

I have such high ideals for myself, my family, my life.  I try to example Jesus in my life.  The problem is that while I think it's a great idea and it will make me look good, my motivation is often suspect.  Or if I were actually honest with myself, I'd have to admit that my motivation pretty much negates the whole action.

And this just goes to show you that no matter how close to God we think we're getting, there is still a vast chasm between us and Him.  All the more reason to believe that it doesn't matter how good we are.  It still won't get us to heaven.

And I am certainly no better than those people who left this stuff all over.  Maybe they were having a crisis, or dealing with unruly children, or in a hurry and late, or maybe they didn't even notice the thing fell down.  Or they were too shy and insecure to admit to a cashier that they just didn't want that thing they brought to the register.

Ah, the benefit of the doubt.  I want it but I don't want to extend it.  Shame on me.

And once again, thank God for His amazing grace.  I have to go to Wal-Mart right now, and I think I'm going to need it.

xoxoxox

Ow. Ow!

Conflict.

Most of the time when I'm in a conflict situation, it's with one of my immediate family members (as in, one of my daughters). Seldom do I get into it with extended friends or family.

Unfortunately, sometimes I do. We all do; it's part of life.

I had to deal with a conflict today. And I gotta tell you, I'm pretty angry. I really want to lash out. I inadvertently hurt someone with something I said, and they --and several of their friends -- hurt me right back.

So God has blessed me with these gems --

From Proverbs 18:21:

21 Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit—you choose.

And from II Timothy 2:1-5 and 14-17:

1-5Don't be naive. There are difficult times ahead. As the end approaches, people are going to be self-absorbed, money-hungry, self-promoting, stuck-up, profane, contemptuous of parents, crude, coarse, dog-eat-dog, unbending, slanderers, impulsively wild, savage, cynical, treacherous, ruthless, bloated windbags, addicted to lust, and allergic to God. They'll make a show of religion, but behind the scenes they're animals. Stay clear of these people.

14But don't let it faze you. Stick with what you learned and believed, sure of the integrity of your teachers. . .

It's so easy to respond to unkind words with more unkind words. Want to justify that behaviour? Here you go -- honesty is the best policy. Sounds good, doesn't it? Why not let loose with that verbal cannon and just let'er fly?

Because of these two simple facts:

1. Timing is everything.
2. Perception is 100% reality.

No matter what people deserve from you, it is what they get and how they get it that counts.

I hope you all realise that I am talking to myself here most of all. I am chief of sinners in this department. I am so grateful that most exchanges for me happen these days through written communication -- that way I can say something, read it, change it, pray about it, change it again, speak the truth in love, and then finally hit send.

So . . .

Lord, may my words today be graced with your Spirit. You've forgiven me, so how could I possibly hold a grudge against another? Thank you for your Son, in whom I find Your incredible mercy and the kind of forgiveness that took my sins as far from me as the east is from the west.

Lord, You are so good. Thank you so much for loving me. Please forgive me today. And enable me to ask forgiveness from even people who have hurt me -- because of Jesus.

xoxoxox

Living Proverbs 19

Practicing Proverbs 19 -- it's no easy task.

The Bug is very impatient with me lately -- she's being an emotional teenager (for the most part). Because she's now 18, she's speaking to me as a peer, rather than a daughter, which means that the respect factor has basically gone right out the window.

So today I read Proverbs 19, and found these verses --

11 Smart people know how to hold their tongue; their grandeur is to forgive and forget

Definitely easier said than done! But God is enabling me and I have been holding my tongue. Let me reiterate the most important words in that last sentence -- GOD IS ENABLING ME.

19 Let angry people endure the backlash of their own anger; if you try to make it better, you'll only make it worse . . .

26 Kids who lash out against their parents are an embarrassment and disgrace. 27 If you quit listening, dear child, and strike off on your own, you'll soon be out of your depth.

I think these two verses make me want to cry, because they are both the way that the Bug is acting right now, and it is exactly the way I have acted with my own parents in the past. You just can't look at your own child misbehaving and not remember doing it yourself.

So today I am both asking God for forgiveness, and blessing Him for the grace He has shown me. I can now turn and show my child the same grace. Choosing to be angry back at her just seems kind of stupid.

All part of the abundant life -- and tomorrow is another day --

xoxox

Senioritis

I had a very difficult week last week. It was a week full and beyond fed-up with 18-year olds who have seriously I'm-18-And-I-Know-It-All attitudes. It was also a week of being irresponsible with my body, and eating things that raised my blood pressure to critically high levels.

Honestly, I should know better. I just read this today, from Proverbs 30:

Four Mysteries

18-19 Three things amaze me,
no, four things I'll never understand—
how an eagle flies so high in the sky,
how a snake glides over a rock,
how a ship navigates the ocean,
why adolescents act the way they do.

This was made glaringly apparent yesterday, as we were sitting at the table. I was explaining some American thing to Malene, the Danish student we're hosting until Friday. (We will be VERY sad to see her go! She is a doll!)

Rose commented that I was completely wrong, that it wasn't that way at all. So I reclarified for Malene, stating this: "Rose and Bug are always right."

Again Rose disagreed.

So I re-reclarified: apparently they are not always right, but I am definitely always wrong.

Rose hesitated. Then she disagreed. Bug wasn't so sure she disagreed with that.

I sat there thinking, 'have they left for college yet?'

Herein lies the paradox: I know I will miss them desperately when they are gone. But right now, I can't wait for them to leave. They seem to save all their good words and blessings for the people outside our immediate family. We alone are the ones for whom they reserve their disdain.

I think this is the biggest challenge I've ever faced: to remain Christlike to my children. When I am hurt by them, I want to return evil for evil. I want to hurt them right back, even though I would not hesitate for even a nanosecond to die for them. I'd be standing there in front of the firing squad, thinking -- you'd better appreciate this, you rotten kid!

I wonder also if it's because of the reflection this casts on me as a parent, as someone who has taught them to not hurt people. I've been the primary teacher in their lives, so apparently I've taught them the opposite. Aren't they acting just like me?

Ouch! Double ouch for thinking it's all about me!

Well, once again, it's back to that beautiful Word of God that slices and dices me with Its truth:

1-4 If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.

5-8Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of Himself. He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of Himself that He had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, He set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, He stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, He lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion.

Lord God Most Holy, make me like You today. Thank You for my Saviour, Your Son Jesus, my example, Amen.

xoxox

That Pesky Nuisance

Conflict.

I know that it makes us better people. Stories would be really boring without it. It's the spice in our lives that makes us appreciate all things good.

Personally, I hate it. I hate it in all its many forms and types.

However, I do not avoid it. I never ignore it and happily hope that it will just go away. I am very bad at the dancing around the elephant in the room.

I hate dealing with conflict because it just takes so much brain work. I can break down for you the way I do it:

1. I get mad as all get out and think of all the ways I'm going to just tell off the person with whom I've having the conflict.

2. I realise that this isn't at all what Jesus would do, so I rethink the whole thing and decide to just let it go.

3. I rethink it again and come to the conclusion that Jesus wouldn't just ignore it, He'd address it. As only God could.

4. I go back to the ways I was going to tell the person off and then see if there's some way I can rephrase it all in a loving, kind, Godly way.

5. I give up and go back to the ignoring it all option.

6. See #4.

7. See #5.

The thing about conflict is that it's like we're all rocks in a tumbler and God is turning the wheel. Sometimes we get polished, and the rough edges come off. Sometimes sharper edges form. The trick is to get yourself polished up and outta the danged tumbler until the next time something comes up. Cause let's face it -- it is no picnic in the tumbler. It hurts and it's hard.

Currently I'm having a conflict with a difficult person. She's a control freak and wants to reprimand my kids. This upsets me greatly, but I'm not sure yet how to address it. I think I'll chew on it (pray about it) a LOT more before I say anything. Ah, speaking the truth in love, the challenge of every Prophet (also known as Compulsive Truth Speaker with Little or No Tact).

Last week, I responded to a neighbor kid that had left a used athletic cup in our mailbox on Superbowl Sunday. I took a shoebox, filled it with 6 or 7 old bras that don't fit anyone around here, and put a note inside thanking him for his kind gift and telling him I thought we'd return the favour.

Although Hunk O Man insists that I'm in the process of starting a Neighbor War, I don't think so. I think both things were funny and everybody just needs to calm down. A simple prank doesn't have to turn into a major conflict. Sometimes conflict can be turned into something funny and that lightens everyone up. Case in point.

My husband's family didn't show any conflict at all. I fear this is a great disservice his parents did him. Of course, my family was all yelling and conflict central, and that's not the right way either! I think there is a happy balance, when children can see that parents disagree and the parents can be civil, and even better, can kiss and make up (and make out, as Hunk O Man always says).

Romans 12:18: "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

We all know, if we're honest, that this means keeping our thoughts in check as well as our actions and words. Because if it's in my head or heart, it's likely eventually gonna come out of my mouth.

Ephesians 5:21: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."

Sometimes I do have to just let it go. But I'm hopeful God will continue to give me the words I need to resolve every conflict I face. I want out of that tumbler and fast.

And you know, if you think of it as the tide turning the rocks into sand and polishing sea glass, at least there's a beach . . .


xoxox