Well Then, a Fit of Temper and a Rant with a Side of Humility.

OK, so I had a rotten day at church. Actually, it was more because I had a rotten attitude.

Being at church is what you make of it.

Sadly, today, I was in a complaining mood, so it's my own danged fault that I had a rotten day. The music and worship didn't suit me, the special music seemed mismatched between fabulous singer and great song. But the thing that really got me was communion.

I think it's a southern thing. Or maybe I just have some issues.

For me, communion is actually sacred. Seriously -- I think that the Catholics may have it right on this one. While I differ greatly with them on many doctrinal issues, I think communion is one area that they do well.

This is a sacred time between me and God. Give me dimmed lights! Give me soft music, if any! And certainly no whispering, thank you so much. I just have a big problem with all the environmental stuff distracting me.

While I was in college the first time, I attended a church where communion was served at little knee-high tables. There was one big cup and one tray of the little plastic ones (in case you were germaphobic or had a cold), and the bread was all homemade. There were four or five of these tables around the room. When it was time for communion, you had to get up and go to the tables. Often you had to stand in line. Also often, there were people going out into the lobby to talk about conflicts, and resolve issues. Communion was serious business; you didn't dare take it unless you had forgiven your neighbor.

Of course, this was the late 70's and we were all sort of the Christian Hell's Angels of the local bible college. "Rebels with a Cause," as it were -- and certainly doing things like a bunch of hippies. However . . . there was a sincerity and authenticity to it that I have never found since.

I've had communion all sorts of ways -- go get it, have it passed, take it individually, take it as it's passed, everybody wait and take it all at once. Lights up, lights down. No music, soft music, or currently, lovely piano arrangement of a wonderful hymn done concert style. Obviously I prefer it one way over another. And sadly (well, sadly for me!) any number of the ways I prefer is not the way it is done at my church.

So since I have unresolved issues with my teenagers at present, I let the communion plate pass right by. I take God seriously when He says not to eat or drink in a way that dishonours Him. When I haven't resolved a conflict with my neighbor, or my daughter, or any other family member, or someone in my community -- I have no business taking communion and remembering the forgiveness that has been so generously offered to me.

In a word, or two -- I just need to get over myself and my pride and say sorry and move on.

Now I don't say all this to imply that people at our church don't take communion seriously. They do; our communion meditations are usually very thought-provoking and good. Sometimes they are even little mini-sermons.

I think the main difference here between someone who doesn't have a complaint about communion and me, who does, is simply the fact that I'm so ADD that I can't concentrate with a bunch of stuff going on.

I wish my church was more open to change, and I seriously wish some of those changes would involve a Worship Minister and some dimmed lights and soft music at communion. But as my mama always says, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

There is so much right with my church -- the people, for example -- the actual church. If only a little tweaking weren't such a threat, and always met with "but we've always done it this way." Obviously I feel less than free to suggest that we try any of this light-dimming or toning down of the piano music.

Oh well. It's not up to me and I am not any kind of authority on the subject. I just know what I like.

Rant's over, move along, nothing to see here. Hopefully next week will be better -- hopefully I will be better, because whether or not I appreciate church on Sunday is up to one person:

me.

xoxoxox