All Hail the Car God

I sat today in the presence of the Almighty Car God.  It was breathtaking.

Allow me to explain.

In the beginning was the Car God.  He looked around and saw that the car was lonely.  So he said "Let us fill the car with family members, that we might not be alone.  Let us allow them periodically to drive.  Let us even teach the young ones how to drive."

And the Car God looked around and said "it is good."

I was a relatively competent driver, having experienced several wrecks and speeding tickets.  Yes, I've had my share of fender benders and higher premiums.

Of course, all this was before I became a Car God-ian.  Now when I drive, I am in the presence of the Almighty Car God.

(The Car God doesn't appreciate the full benefit of my criticisms of his own driving habits, so  I usually get to do the driving.)

There is no list of the Ten Commandments of the Car.  Rather, the Car God gently guides me - if only the rest of life were this easy!  He softly reminds me that trash must be placed in the proper containers.  Various items in the car must be put in their proper places.  Drinks go one place, change goes another.  The hand sanitizer doesn't just go in the glove compartment, it has to go on the left side of the glove compartment.

The Car God dictates all the directions, whether they comply with Vickie (the GPS) or not.  He orders the way change is made at the drive-thru.  He controls the direction of the air vents and the angle of a turn.  He commands when to go through a yellow light at a left-hand turn and when to wait.  I'm not entirely sure; he may even control when the lights actually change.  It is a mysterious and wonderful thing.  He even groans when I hit a pothole.

He loads and unloads when we go on long trips.  He makes sure there are bottles of water.  He keeps salt packets under the handle of the emergency brake between the seats and Rice Krispie treats in the compartments of the arm rests in the back seats.

The Car God has wrecked for my sins, in my place.  I am thankful for his mercies every time I pull out of the driveway.  I confess and repent of my car sins to the Car God on a regular basis.  Before I knew the Car God, my driving was aimless and careless.  Now, I have been saved from those reckless and speeding ways.

Sometimes I shake my fist at the car and question, "Why, why, why?"  But then I realise that the Car God knows best.  After all, the Car God bought the car.  And the Car God provides oil changes and gas and regular maintenance.  And more than anything, the Car God keeps up the full-coverage insurance.

Oh praise the Car God,  a benevolent guide who helps me, who takes care of me by unwrapping my food and providing a napkin, adjusting the climate within the car, and getting things from the back seat for me.  Even though I bristle at times under his leading, the Car God is gracious to get me where I'm going without incident.  Yea though I drive through the valley of the shadow of traffic, the Car God is with me; his seat belt and visor, they comfort me.

Thank you, Car God, for providing me the means and ability to get around.  Protect us from State Troopers and Sheriffs and cops this day, and give us shiny wheels and vacuumed carpets.  We promise not to lock the keys inside.  Amen.



xoxoxox