today at jen's house: Intelligent Comedy

THE BARBIE DIARIES

On the immediate future of an annoying bug:

Barbie: I am seriously gonna assassinize that fly.

Regarding the stature of a particular celebrity:
Barbie: I don't know. He's so --s0, frame-ular.

Discussing Jennifer Garner, who in the movie "Electra" isn't much of a girly girl:
Barbie: Well, you do know she was Electrica.

Replying to Bug, who is learning Japanese:
Bug: Arigato!
Barbie: Yeah, uh, Tamagotchi!

During a conversation one day, as Barbie was talking about a friend of hers:
Barbie: "So then she just looked at me, with that 'moose in the driveway' kind of look."
Me: "That what?"
Barbie: "You know. That moose-in-the-driveway look."
Me, stopping to think for a second: "Oooohhh! You mean the 'deer in the headlights' look?"
Barbie: "Oh. Whatever."

One night while I was working, the organizational work of Barbie once again:
Hunk O Man: Oh, it won't kill you not to have any ice cream tonight.
( he leaves the kitchen momentarily)
When he re-enters the kitchen -- all 5 girls are laying on the kitchen table and floor as if they've died.

Having saved her some dinner, which she ate after work:
Barbie: "Why'd you fix me green beans? I hate green beans."
Me: "Because you need some green in your diet."
Barbie: "I'm wearing green. That's all the green I need."
She was actually wearing a green polo shirt.

Regarding a pistol that had been passed on from Hunk O Man's father to him:
Barbie: "Dad, you really should get a newer gun. I mean, that one must be from the Rock Era or something.
Hunk O Man: "You mean the Stone Age?"
Barbie: "Rock Era, Stone Age -- whatever. It's all the same."

Regarding various things she is asked and has no idea what the answer is:
Barbie: "How should I know? What am I, a brainiologist?"

Heard while watching one of the "Superman" movies:
Barbie: "Look! It's the planet Crouton!"

Regarding the dangers of not using the crosswalk:
Barbie: "Dad, I don't think we should be streetwalkers like this."
Hunk O Man: "Honey, I think you mean jaywalkers."

We are shopping and I comment that the clothing looks a lot like it did when I was in junior high:
Barbie: "Mom, it's called retro. Next thing you know, my kids will be dressing like cowboys and indians."

Heard over the phone as the girls and Hunk O Man are crammed into a rental car, heading to the airport, right after Christmas:
Barbie: "Mama, we're squished in here like sushi!"

Remembering a Christmas Day spent in the ER:
Barbie: "Daddy, do you remember I was in the hospital once? I had ammonia."

Driving home from a family reunion, Hunk O Man and I are discussing the relatives we've seen. We are driving in a rural area:
Barbie: "Whatta buncha pigs!"
Me: "Barbie! We don't talk about our relatives like that!"
Barbie: "No, really, Mom. Look!"
I look out the window and we are driving past an actual hog farm -- with LOTS of pigs.

In the car, while passing by the Allen Funeral Home :
Barbie: "Oh, look. There's the Alien Funeral Home."

On global warming:
Barbie: "I'm telling you, if there's an ice age, I'm moving."

Having just seen the movie "Ice Age 3:"
Barbie: "Chasm of death? Is it chasm of death?"
JB: "Yes! I've told you a hundred times! Chasm of death!"
Barbie: "Well I don't . . I can't . . I don't have a good re-memory!"

On month-old birthday cake:
Barbie: "If I eat this, I'll probably choke, then die, then get cancer 5 years later."
Me: "Then don't eat it."
Barbie: "But I'm hungry!"
Me: "Then eat it!"
Barbie: "Mom. Told you.
Choke. Die. Cancer 5 years later."

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Thursday, May 5, 2011

Intelligent Comedy

From a recent conversation with Mia:

Me:      "You know, I'm not smart. Jenna says I'm not really smart, I'm apparently just 'Google smart."

Mia:    "Huh? What's the difference?"

Me:       "Apparently I don't know stuff, I just know where to find stuff."

Mia:      "Well, it is Jenna."

(Jenna is very bright -- she just got a full-ride scholarship to a college here. She is 17, and as we all know, 17-year old's --especially the ones who are seniors in high school -- are experts in what is smart).

Later that evening . . .

Me:     "You girls never think I'm funny. I think I'm funny. But not silly funny, like your dad. Smart funny. I think I'm more smart funny."

Mia:     "Well, maybe you're Google smart funny."

: )

xoxoxoxox

today at jen's house

THE BARBIE DIARIES

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Intelligent Comedy

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