I Wonder as I Squander

Today, I am feeling the weight of what is about to happen:  I have one daughter already gone and living 500 miles away, and two more are leaving in a week.  One is going about 250 miles southwest, and the other about 100 miles southeast.  


I wrote to my Mom last night, because I usually go to my Mom when I don't know what to do.  I said this:  "They're all leaving.  Make it stop."


And because I know my mother well, I know she is feeling my pain, feeling tears sting her eyes like they do mine, and all the while knowing that I'll get through it just fine, because she did.


It is as life goes.  It is the repeating of things over and over again.  My turn.


Paul encouraged me today.  He had no idea when he wrote that letter to the Corinthian church that Jenny's heart would be lifted by what he said.  But that's God for you -- 


^1-10Companions as we are in this work with you, we beg you, please don't squander one bit of this marvelous life God has given us. 


I know Paul is talking to people in the church at Corinth who seem to be going on about their lives as if nothing had changed.  I realise that he's concerned about opportunities they might have to change lives in their community, to introduce their neighbors to Christ, to be examples, to let their lives be arrows pointing straight to God.


But he is also talking to me.  He's telling me that time is valuable, precious, gone in a wink.  So don't squander it; don't waste time fussing about who did the dishes when you could be hugging her and telling her how amazing she is and how convinced you are she'll conquer every challenge.


Not that the dishes don't have to get done.  OK, tell her that while you're doing the dishes with her.  Maybe squirt some water or snap a dishtowel and laugh a lot.


I have heard people tell me this all my life:  every moment I have with my daughter is precious.  So every moment in one daughter's life, times five -- how did I get to be the one who won the lottery and hit the jackpot when it came to precious moments? I don't know, don't really care -- I just want to be highly mindful of it, not be looking back all the time at those moments I did squander with my own selfishness.  I want to look ahead.  The moments aren't over, they're just spread a little further apart with physical distance.


And it is so much easier to enjoy them now that there aren't all these little high-pitched voices screaming and talking and arguing over whose turn it is to do the dishes.


I need a sign somewhere in my house -- maybe in the kitchen somewhere -- that says "no squandering allowed."  Get out the map.  Quit squandering around.  


And squander over here and let's get some dishes done.


xoxox

Operator, How May I Connect Your Call?

<sup>From II Corinthians 6:


11-13</sup>Dear, dear Corinthians, I can't tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life. We didn't fence you in. The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren't small, but you're living them in a small way. I'm speaking as plainly as I can and with great affection. Open up your lives. Live openly and expansively!


If ever there was a call to the body of Christ -- the Church -- today, it is this it.


xoxoxox

A Bit of History

I love history.  I love for a couple of reasons.

One is that we inevitably have a romanced view of what happened in the past, so it's a pleasant experience to remember.  One other reason is that there are valuable principles to be gained from a study of history.

I also love being a pioneer.  I have always enjoyed change, even with the pain and discomfort it usually causes.  In the end, it's always worth it.  There is something always to be learned or gained, and if we hit it just right, both.

One doesn't get to be a pioneer without looking forward.  Looking over our shoulder doesn't help us when we're moving forward because we can't see where we're going.

And let's face it, time keeps right on going, like a river.  It always picks us up and takes us -- sometimes fighting and screaming like children throwing tantrums, and other times mercifully thankful to move on.

Looking forward also means you have to have something at which to look.  Whether it's just our feet moving in steps of blind faith or a goal we're striving to achieve, God gave us eyes for a reason.

I often cringe when I hear the words "don't mess with what works."  I always wonder just how much longer it will work, and to what end?  Is this thing we refuse to change really going to last?

Of course it won't last.  Nothing really lasts -- one look at the castles of Europe or last week's leftovers will leave us with one conclusion:  things aren't made to last.  And more importantly, God didn't create the world to last.

Even Paul says this:

Phillipians 3:13-15 (New International Version)


Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.  But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.


I'm a sheep.  I do the following when it comes to my husband and other leaders.  I lead some small groups of sheep where I'm qualified and called.  But overall, it's not my job to cast vision and be a big-picture person in the kingdom.

I depend on my shepherds to do that.  And I really do pray that they don't depend on history to do it.  Because again, it is the principles of history -- and not the practices of it -- that should guide us.

xoxoxox

Sorry, I Have No Idea. Actually, I Don't Work Here.

I often walk through a store (usually Wal-Mart, since that's pretty much all there is where I live) and pick up things.  I don't mean things to buy -- I mean things that have fallen on the floor.  I also put the clothing back on the racks when it's fallen down, and even put pieces of clothing with others of its kind when it's out of place.  I pick up trash and throw it away.  I pick up the odd things stuck in the checkout stands and give them to the cashier to put away.

I am just one amazingly conscientious person, aren't I?  Giving and generous with no thought to myself.

Wow, humble too.  I even amaze myself.

Did I mention that I often say to myself, "What is the matter with people these days?" and "Who works here, anyway?  Do they actually work?  Do they pay any attention to the way this store looks?  Well apparently not.  Jeesh, look at this place.  I don't even work here and I'm doing this."

I recently remembered an incident in my past.  A boyfriend at the time (who proved to be a complete jerk -- but apparently now is a pretty nice, good person) noticed a garden hose outside my apartment.  It had not been wound up and put away.  He asked why not.

To which I replied, "How should I know?  It's not my hose."

He then said "Well who cares whose hose it is?  Somebody should put it away!  And especially you if it isn't your hose!"

I then thought "gosh, what's the matter with me?"

I then thought "who does he think he is, anyway?"

Well, even though he and I and pretty much everyone I knew at the time who was my age were all jerks, he was right.  I should have been even more concerned about that hose because it didn't belong to me.

I have such high ideals for myself, my family, my life.  I try to example Jesus in my life.  The problem is that while I think it's a great idea and it will make me look good, my motivation is often suspect.  Or if I were actually honest with myself, I'd have to admit that my motivation pretty much negates the whole action.

And this just goes to show you that no matter how close to God we think we're getting, there is still a vast chasm between us and Him.  All the more reason to believe that it doesn't matter how good we are.  It still won't get us to heaven.

And I am certainly no better than those people who left this stuff all over.  Maybe they were having a crisis, or dealing with unruly children, or in a hurry and late, or maybe they didn't even notice the thing fell down.  Or they were too shy and insecure to admit to a cashier that they just didn't want that thing they brought to the register.

Ah, the benefit of the doubt.  I want it but I don't want to extend it.  Shame on me.

And once again, thank God for His amazing grace.  I have to go to Wal-Mart right now, and I think I'm going to need it.

xoxoxox

Sticks and Stones

^{From Proverbs 9:}

^7-12 If you reason with an arrogant cynic, you'll get slapped in the face;
   confront bad behavior and get a kick in the shins.
So don't waste your time on a scoffer;
   all you'll get for your pains is abuse.
But if you correct those who care about life,
   that's different—they'll love you for it!
Save your breath for the wise—they'll be wiser for it;
   tell good people what you know—they'll profit from it.

This is exactly why Christians don't need to go around criticising the lives of those who have no real relationship with God.  The same rules simply do not apply.

Christians, on the other hand -- we don't always appreciate correction but eventually we come around.  In the end, we always benefit from it.  

And here's why:

Skilled living gets its start in the Fear-of-God,
   insight into life from knowing a Holy God.
It's through me, Lady Wisdom, that your life deepens,
   and the years of your life ripen.
Live wisely and wisdom will permeate your life;
   mock life and life will mock you.

xoxox

In Search of The Theory of Everything

I like to explore ideas about the origins of the universe. String theory, black holes, gravity -- they all hold great interest for me. I'm not exactly sure why. My mom just shakes her head.

And yes, I know I'm a total geek.

Geekiness aside, all these subjects make for some good thinking. I like to think about things. While Hunk O Man needs music or conversation while driving on a long trip, I can drive in total silence, just thinking.

Something occurred to me yesterday as I was getting out of the shower. It seems we keep backing up in our theories. By "backing up" I just mean that we explain a small thing, then a microscopic thing, then things we can't see at all, then things that are even smaller and theoretical, and even smaller things that can only be proven mathematically. String theory seems to be at the base of all the small things. Currently, it's the most popular way to explain what makes up everything in the universe.

Nice theory. Except, what makes up the strings? Well, that's a long explanation having to do with scientific things that you don't really care about.

And in light of this, an idea occurred to me: what if asking what strings are made of isn't the right question? What if "what is the origin of the universe?" is the wrong question?

I realise that I'm coming from a fundamental viewpoint of God having created the world. So for me, that begs the question -- what is the right question to ask?

All I can come up with so far is simply this question -- "God, who are You?"

The nice thing is that I can pursue that question to no end, and I know how to do it. I don't need to know high-level mathematics and I don't have to be Einstein. I just need to know how to read a bible and how to pray. The God of the universe will allow me to know what I am capable of knowing. And exploring a relationship is infinitely easier than exploring a theory.

And isn't it just like God to make it that simple?

I Corinthians 1:18-20 (NIV):

¹⁹For it is written:
"I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;
the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate."

²⁰Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?

Dear God,

Who are you? I really want to know.

Love,

jen

xoxoxox

Being Wise

^{Proverbs 14:24}

The wise accumulate wisdom;
fools get stupider by the day.

Interesting idea, isn't it? Becoming wise is cumulative -- you get a little, you keep it. You get a little more, it goes on top of what you already have.

Being foolish, however, just gets you dumber and dumber.

No wonder wisdom is priceless. Knowing that is the first place to start.

xoxox